*sigh* so bored all the time >.> makes me think of a lot of things about me o.o that sometimes i feel like i wasnt born for this world..this world isnt real, i see places i havent been and months later i visit that place and claim dejavu, im a character in a book that the author likes to play with and torture with daily life, and when the author is done with me, ill be torn out of the book and thrown in the trash, never to go back to the place i was truly born in.. i see a beautiful garden, people in it that werent suppose to be born there stare at me becuz they kno that i was meant to be there.. i look at the boy that said he remembered me and missed me, i dont remember him and cudnt miss him back.. i call him Beloved becuz i feel like Loveless who will never have love herself, and if someone claims to love Loveless, it will not last long since the curse that Loveless has makes people leave, leaving Loveless all alone, like the time she felt in the garden...all alone..
life hurts a lot.. wanna go to sleep and never wake up, can i do that? will u let me? idk if ill have the balls to do anything like that.. *sigh, looks at the time* each second on this clock is the countdown to my death, a slow paced tick to my bomb...... need a moment *life pauses, takes out twix* hell yea lo/
-everyday i think of the garden, then realize i mustve died in that world and all the people that ive loved are gone from my life forever...if i die in this world, i wont see anyone i know in the next...
-if i really think about my "love" it isnt such a good thing all the time, which is why i try to avoid it
-i cant sing
-i have no style
-i have no life to be typing
T-T T.T o.o e.e oAo r,r u_u Y.Y A.A OvO OwO QnQ Q~Q QmQ frackalakashoopdawhoopshweepmerpaderpaferpaherpalerpasherpakerpmeep
today is a day after yesterday...yet yesterday was once today, that today seems like tomorrow, but if today was tomorrow... then from yesterday, tomorrow would be the day after today .....are u confused? well so am i XD well today in general reminded me of what i wrote here in my "not so secret diary" ..i was in school, getting ready for artclub afterschool. some of my friends were already in artroom and i go in to talk with them and i start drawing from a lolita collection of artwork. they all ended up leaving the room.. i sat in there all alone, felt a bit sad thinking about the other friends who were suppose to come and did not.. they left the school and told me nothing...
in chats i always tend to write "rolls in teh grass" but when i think about it i tear up, not cry just a tear falls from my eye.. the grass isnt the only thing in the garden..theres a rock structure that i go to..the figures around it look at me, one of them holding my sword, a beautiful katana with inscriptions that match the tatoos all over my body that appear whenever i look at it... the rock structure has fountains around it..i touch the water, it changes color whenever i touch it, unlike the water here, the water in my world has life to it...
i remember now that i wasnt the only one born in that world..there was a little girl with dark eyes, long hair..she looked at me and smiled saying "i love u mama" she hugs me and i smile at her, but in my mind i question myself as to who i rly am and who is she rly......i think ill name her Nami..she goes to gather flowers and puts them in my hair saying "pretty", i take some and put them in her hair and the rest we decorate the rock structure with... we sit in the grass looking at the fountains and all around us...the boy comes over and sits with us, hugging the girl and holding my hand, his face is blurred now but if i close my eyes i can see him barely, smiling...they both say that they miss me.................... who am i?