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Drakensmoor1

Rank 0
Joined
05 Mar 2010
Posts
2
Location
South Africa
PostedMar 06, 2010 2:28 pm

Jokes

Face it everybody loves a good joke
Its been a long day you get home and whats the first thing you want to do ...RELAX... so I have posted this forum to help you unwind after a long days stress so I want you to relax so that you could play your best I will be posting jokes each week so keep on the lookout
READ THIS
2 Blondes And one Brunette on an Island

There were once 2 blondes and one Brunette stranded on a deserted island, and could not think of a way to get off it. One of them tripped over what happened to be a magic lamp. Dusting it off, the genie came out.

"I will grant you each a wish," he said.

"Why not," thought the 3 "It's worth a try."

"I want to be the world's best swimmer," one blonde said, "so I can swim off of the island". She then jumped in to the ocean and swam away.

"I want to be a bird," the other blonde said, and flew away immediately.

The brunette thought for a while. "I want to be a man."

She was instantly transformed into a man, and she walked over the bridge to the mainland.
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missi_Mara

Rank 1
missi_Mara
Joined
06 Aug 2009
Posts
200
Location
United States
PostedMar 08, 2010 10:17 pm
LOL wth? Very Happy

" 'Break! "

grankuwaga

Rank 0
grankuwaga
Joined
18 Jun 2008
Posts
66
Location
Texas United States
PostedMar 09, 2010 12:44 am
Here a few of my if you don't mind >.<

============================
A man is about to get convicted to multiple lifetime in jail. The judge wants to ask him a couple of questions before he leaves.
Judge: -For cry not loud, how did you manage to run over 52 people with your car?
Prosecuted: -Well, I was driving a car, and I noticed that my brakes didn't work.
Judge: -And?
Prosecuted: -I saw a bus station. There was like, 50 people over there. And on the other side of the street, I saw 2 people. SO, I was thinking - better to kill 2 instead of 50.
Judge: -Good call. And?
Prosecuted: -Well, you see, your honor, I ran over one of them, but the other one escaped among those 50....
=======================
A teacher(female of course >.<) asks kids to write one word for homework, and than explain it. Marc raises up his hand, and the teacher asks him which word did he choose.
-PERVERSION, proudly says Marc.
-OK, Marc - said teacher a bit scared - explain that word WITHOUT using any prominent words, as you usually do.
-No problem, teach. OK now, teach, imagine two girls going down the street, eating ice cream. One of them is licking it while the other one is biting off. Which one of them is married ?
-Well... -the teacher blushes, starts sweating a bit, and says - The one that's biting off it.
-No - says Marc - married one is the one that has a wedding ring, and what you just thought - THAT'S PERVERSION.
=========================
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants ***, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was Happy, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!
========================================
Once, there was a boy who loved to read. He read everything he could get his hands on, and loved going to his favorite book store. One day, the boy realized he had read everything the store had to offer. He confronted the owner, and asked him if he had anything the boy had never checked out. The owner said why, yes, I do, and pulled out a book called “Death”. He gladly sold it to the boy at a discounted price of $50. However, he warned the boy, never to read the front page.

Well, the boy returned to his house and read the book, and he was content. However, he always wondered, what could be on that front page, it was always in the back of his mind. One day, the temptation was too much for the boy, and he flipped to the very front of the book, and dropped the book in HORROR.

There, in bold print, was MSRP $6.99
================================
So,how tha randoms jokes went liked them o_O
>.<

Anthonuo

Rank 1
Anthonuo
Joined
03 Sep 2009
Posts
345
Location
United States
PostedApr 16, 2010 6:21 am
Frankly,It seems like a good joke but I really didn't get the last part of it when "she instantly transformed into a man". Confused

"Courage doesn't always roar.Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow."

Sophie002

Rank 0
Sophie002
Joined
08 Apr 2007
Posts
83
Location
Mexico
PostedMay 07, 2010 7:31 am
-Mom I think I need a bra.
-No sweetie, you dont need a bra.
-But mom Im already seventeen I seriously need a bra!
-No you dont need one.
-I do! I really, really need a bra!
-You dont need a bra.
-Mom PLEASE I need a bra!
-Oh stop it, Freddie.

xybolt

Rank 5.2
xybolt
Joined
10 Sep 2008
Posts
15073
Location
Balegem, flemish region Belgium
PostedMay 07, 2010 7:35 am
Sophie002 wrote:
-Mom I think I need a bra.
-No sweetie, you dont need a bra.
-But mom Im already seventeen I seriously need a bra!
-No you dont need one.
-I do! I really, really need a bra!
-You dont need a bra.
-Mom PLEASE I need a bra!
-Oh stop it, Freddie.  


xD

signature of xybolt

niasaga

Rank 0
niasaga
Joined
09 Mar 2009
Posts
6
Location
Asheville United States
PostedMay 30, 2010 2:23 am

Joke

I just Had to add one!
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day
while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly
jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed
there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and
pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's
heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the
hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good
news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you
were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the
life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays
sound mindedness. The bad news is Ralph hung himself in the bathroom
with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?"

hentaishinri

Rank 0
hentaishinri
Joined
28 Sep 2008
Posts
34
Location
Plovdiv Bulgaria
PostedSep 26, 2010 9:59 am
grankuwaga wrote:

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants ***, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was Happy, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!  


khahahaha XDDDD

soon I'll be gone to seek another starway...

servertrade

Rank 2
Joined
16 Sep 2009
Posts
500
Location
Sierra Leone
PostedSep 26, 2010 10:24 am
Mike invited Bob to play golf one day at a prestigious country club. Bob spotted a man with a gun case and asked Mike who he was.

Bob: "whos that guy and why does he have a gun here?"
Mike: "oh hes a hitman, he shoots people for money".
Bob: "hmmm maybe i should go speak to him, i got some things that need to get shot at"

So bob goes over the the hitman and talks to him.

Bob: "Hey, i heard your a hitman. Can i hire you for your services".
Hitman: "Sure thing. I charge $10,000 per bullet."
Bob: "Anything, i need 2 bullets as soon as possible".
Hitman: "Of course. Im free tomorrow. Who do you need killed".
Bob: "Well i need you to shoot 2 people but i dont want the shots to kill, just to wound".
"First target, i want you to shoot my wife in the mouth for being such a naggy b*tch.
Second, i want you to shoot my neighbors di*k for always hitting on my wife"
Hitman: "Deal, i take cash payment only, pay me half now half on completion"

Bob pays half the cost for 2 bullets.
So the next day, the hitman and Bob went to an evacuated building overlooking Bobs house. The hitman prepped his sniper rifle and watched Bobs wife through his scope.

Hitman: "I see your wife. Target is in my sights."

The hitman paused..

Bob: "Why dont you take the shot?"

Hitman: "Just give me a few seconds im about to save you $10,000"

Emilia789

Rank 2
Emilia789
Joined
11 Aug 2009
Posts
641
Location
Guild House Bulgaria
PostedMay 06, 2013 1:49 pm
Lmao !!! Nicee !! Very Happy
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