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Kazmac

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Kazmac
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PostedOct 21, 2009 9:51 pm   Last edited by Kazmac on Oct 22, 2009 11:13 pm. Edited 39 times in total

Weapons of Remix - I

Assassins Ceed
Weapons of Remix: Assassins Creed




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[Whiles Reading please read the story aloud, this is very important. -Thank-You ^^]

.....Keolloseu was fully alarmed; The City had sentries strategically posted inside and out, but it made no difference to him. He slipped from shadow to shadow, silently advancing toward his prey activated stealth and by a blink of an eye he had eliminated the Commander of the Union. Now that Keolloseu had no one to lead it's forces it would fall. Bearing in mine his loss the assassin dashed again to another target.. shades of light shone from a distance.



.....This time it was no rookie and Raven new it. With out wasting time he activated his flash and dashed towards the portal back to the vortex in which he came from. He new exactly what was happening. With out a moments notice a roar was let out and gleaming in the sky came down a spark of light. He had invaded the Homeland of the Alliance and the proud defender himself was not going to let the intruder escape. Out of the blue Raven was struck he realized the spark was a distraction he was hit in the ribs, he felt his chest rip apart blood bursting out of his side like a mad faucet. He knew he had made a terrible mistake..

....."I just wanted to avenge a friend.. dammit i shouldn't of let my guard down especially in enemy territory." he murmured.


.....A couple years ago Raven had encountered his first glance and friendship with the Alliance. The setting was at none other then PvP, no.. no.. it was the Blackmarket! His father was in hard times and asked him with his super stealth to try and sell a few items so that they could maintain their survival in the bitter world. Raven came across an Alliance that could speak the language of the Fury. Arguments first came however followed by an everlasting friendship. He had met Rohan son of Keolloseu's blacksmith. There they always traded even aided each other when it came time that they would have to clash in war. Rohan saved Raven from near inescapable death. Rohan was executed on June 3rd 1034. He was executed for high treason and sent to the gallows where he was hung.

"No i will not stop, these bastards I'll kill everyone one of them!" Raven cried.

.....He quickly turned stealth back on rushed to the Defender of the Alliance, and activated his revolver.

1. Fatal Hit! 2. Halt Kick! 3. Stun Crash!

..... Before the Defender knew what hit him Raven drank a Knockout Nostrum.

"I'm ready to die for you Rohan, the Light no longer supports the truth they are corrupted with lies." he said in his head.

1. Tetanus! Fatal Hit! Aggravation!

..... He kept unloading with vicious combos, the Defender could barely manage to stand up, even blinded with rage the Unioun of the Fury is able to fight, and over time get stronger. The Defender picked up his Mjolnir and started swinging viciously.

"Swinging for the fences eh? Good luck hitting me that way you big oaf." laughed Raven.



..... The Defender swung and swung Raven just dodged out of his way and let out another lethal combo. The Defender fell on his knees,

" You blind Furies we try to maintain order and prevent corruption but you only proliferate its existence! ARGHHHH BERSERKER!!!" Raged the Defender.

" You fool i am going to avenge Rohan one way or the other!" yelped Raven.

" Rohan! Rohan! was my brother so you are the villain who ultimately brought him to his death!" The Defender Roared.

"I remember he turned on me his very brother a few years ago i was the Knight who was going to end your dis capable existence. But..But he turned on me for you!" said the Defender.



Rohan Betrays his Brother.






.....This is it, the Defender recognized his opportunity signaled for the Priests and Mages to zip up the portal, and signal the Archers the reign havoc upon the intruder. At once the Preists and Mages began to close the portal, however Raven made no attempt to escape. He had made his choice, he had crossed the Rubicon, his Dice was cast.

.....Instead he dashed straight for the Defender and let go of a roundhouse punch, crashing the Defender to the ground. The archers fired wasting no time, the Defender hazily stuck his shield in the air to avoid fire. Raven activated stealth and disappeared.

" Gone like the wind, the Fury is impossible to understand Defiled by nature, Blighted by the past, Corrupted as winter winds, Wretched as a charlatan."





--- As of this minute of reading please "exercise" your eyes to prevent eye damage. ---
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Kazmac

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PostedOct 21, 2009 10:12 pm   Last edited by Kazmac on Oct 24, 2009 1:34 am. Edited 8 times in total
.....Raven peered out on the town, he thought long and hard. He thought about his vengeance, what was he going to do? He couldn't bring Rohan back, it was far to late. He realized he had to find a disguise before he was discovered.

.....He saw a upper ranked guard heading towards a hay stack. This was his chance he swooped down and chocked the guard to death. No it wouldn't work. He then presided through the guard in into the hay.




.....I have to get out of here, out of Keolloseu. He would return to avenge Rohan and kill the Defender, and most of all clear the confusion. Was Vengeance the best idea? Did the Alliance have to pay for one death?

"Yes, yes they do." murmured Raven

"I'll burn this city and its inhabitants the Fury shall reign supreme!" Raven thought.

.....10 Minutes later Raven fell asleep. He dreamed of Rohan, his life in the Fury and compared it to what it was like to live here.





.....Whiles asleep the Defender rounded up his 101st PvP'ers commanded by FHG, Overlord008 and AceofSpades. They devised a cunning plan to dispose of Raven. Raven asleep was losing valuable time, and Etain knows what was going to happen... Next.



TO BE CONTINUED. †

Kazmac

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PostedOct 22, 2009 1:42 pm
--Reserved--

Kazmac

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PostedOct 23, 2009 10:52 pm
--Reserved--

Comment Now:

Fly.Away

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PostedOct 24, 2009 6:08 am
wow amzingly written! plz keep writing i want to know what happens next!! great pics btw, they suit the story

Kazmac

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PostedOct 25, 2009 4:15 pm
haha thank you so much ^^ I'll continue as soon as i can Razz

xymphony

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PostedOct 25, 2009 6:21 pm
Mmmm, a decent story. You give very little background on the characters, but maybe your style is to slowly reveal personal histories as the story progresses.

This might be my personal opinion, but I do not like it when authors use regurgitate ability names in fight scenes. It is always more interesting to see how authors interpret how certain abilities work. For example: Fatal hit, how does it work? How does it stop the enemy's movement for 2 seconds How does Halt kick prevent casters from using spells? And how does stun crash, well, stun?

Oh, and I'm pretty sure Berserker is a fighter/warrior ability, not defender. I'm not saying that you are bound by the game's mechanics though, I was just pointing that out.

The second chapter was too short and not much happened.

And.... the pictures are interesting, but I hope you are not forcing your dialogue to conform to the pictures rather than the other way around.

Keep writing, you'll get better as you write more Smile

Retired...

Fly.Away

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PostedOct 25, 2009 7:20 pm
xymphony wrote:
Mmmm, a decent story. You give very little background on the characters, but maybe your style is to slowly reveal personal histories as the story progresses.

This might be my personal opinion, but I do not like it when authors use regurgitate ability names in fight scenes. It is always more interesting to see how authors interpret how certain abilities work. For example: Fatal hit, how does it work? How does it stop the enemy's movement for 2 seconds How does Halt kick prevent casters from using spells? And how does stun crash, well, stun?

Oh, and I'm pretty sure Berserker is a fighter/warrior ability, not defender. I'm not saying that you are bound by the game's mechanics though, I was just pointing that out.

The second chapter was too short and not much happened.

And.... the pictures are interesting, but I hope you are not forcing your dialogue to conform to the pictures rather than the other way around.

Keep writing, you'll get better as you write more Smile  

actually all toons have berserker Razz even my priest is able to have it, and i think this story is rly for shaiya players who know the different skills, but its true there should be some explenation. i do !rly! like it how it is atm though ^^

xymphony

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PostedOct 25, 2009 8:01 pm   Last edited by xymphony on Oct 26, 2009 10:17 am. Edited 1 time in total
Fly.Away wrote:
xymphony wrote:
Mmmm, a decent story. You give very little background on the characters, but maybe your style is to slowly reveal personal histories as the story progresses.

This might be my personal opinion, but I do not like it when authors use regurgitate ability names in fight scenes. It is always more interesting to see how authors interpret how certain abilities work. For example: Fatal hit, how does it work? How does it stop the enemy's movement for 2 seconds How does Halt kick prevent casters from using spells? And how does stun crash, well, stun?

Oh, and I'm pretty sure Berserker is a fighter/warrior ability, not defender. I'm not saying that you are bound by the game's mechanics though, I was just pointing that out.

The second chapter was too short and not much happened.

And.... the pictures are interesting, but I hope you are not forcing your dialogue to conform to the pictures rather than the other way around.

Keep writing, you'll get better as you write more Smile  

actually all toons have berserker Razz even my priest is able to have it, and i think this story is rly for shaiya players who know the different skills, but its true there should be some explenation. i do !rly! like it how it is atm though ^^  


I see, he was referring to the human racial ability called berserker, I thought he meant berserk fighter, the fighter/warrior ability that sacrifices defense to increase damage. My bad.

There is nothing impressive about knowing the skills in Shaiya, there's not that many of them. My issue is, when an author just says the character used a certain ability without any description, it's not imaginative at all. It leaves nothing to interpretation. I just get an image of the character in the game using it. That same repeated motion, every single time, burned into the back of your eyes. When an author describes how an ability works though, that is when there is real depth to the story.

If I wrote, "The assassin used Fatal Hit, halt kick, and stun crash", I imagine my sin using those abilities, the same abilities I used for 53 levels, nothing imaginative or creative.

HOWEVER, if
xeagwms wrote:

"The assassin, with his decades of battlefield experience, made two quick strikes at his opponent's calf muscles, immediately immobilizing him. Then, he followed up with a thundering kick to his enemy's windpipe, stopping all incantations meanwhile he dipped the edge of his blade into his trusty bag of neuropoison and plunged it into the back of the fumbling defender. All the muscles in the defender's body froze, stunned in place."  

That is such more vivid description. It turns simple button presses into fluid motions performed by a seasoned and skilled assassin.

Retired...

Fly.Away

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PostedOct 26, 2009 2:41 am
xymphony wrote:
Fly.Away wrote:
xymphony wrote:
Mmmm, a decent story. You give very little background on the characters, but maybe your style is to slowly reveal personal histories as the story progresses.

This might be my personal opinion, but I do not like it when authors use regurgitate ability names in fight scenes. It is always more interesting to see how authors interpret how certain abilities work. For example: Fatal hit, how does it work? How does it stop the enemy's movement for 2 seconds How does Halt kick prevent casters from using spells? And how does stun crash, well, stun?

Oh, and I'm pretty sure Berserker is a fighter/warrior ability, not defender. I'm not saying that you are bound by the game's mechanics though, I was just pointing that out.

The second chapter was too short and not much happened.

And.... the pictures are interesting, but I hope you are not forcing your dialogue to conform to the pictures rather than the other way around.

Keep writing, you'll get better as you write more Smile  

actually all toons have berserker Razz even my priest is able to have it, and i think this story is rly for shaiya players who know the different skills, but its true there should be some explenation. i do !rly! like it how it is atm though ^^  


I see, he was referring to the human racial ability called berserker, I thought he meant berserk fighter, the fighter/warrior ability that sacrifices defense to increase damage. My bad.

There is nothing impressive about knowing the skills in Shaiya, there's not that many of them. My issue is, when an author just says the character used a certain ability without any description, it's not imaginative at all. It leaves nothing to interpretation. I just get an image of the character in the game using it. That same repeated motion, every single time, burned into the back of your eyes. When an author describes how an ability works though, that is when there is real depth to the story.

If I wrote, "The assassin used Fatal Hit, halt kick, and stun crash", I imagine my sin using those abilities, the same abilities I used for 53 levels, nothing imaginative or creative.

HOWEVER, if I wrote "The assassin, with his decades of battlefield experience, made two quick strikes at his opponent's calf muscles, immediately immobilizing him. Then, he followed up with a thundering kick to his enemy's windpipe, stopping all incantations meanwhile he dipped the edge of his blade into his trusty bag of neuropoison and plunged it into the back of the fumbling defender. All the muscles in the defender's body froze, stunned in place." That is such more vivid description. It turns simple button presses into fluid motions performed by a seasoned and skilled assassin.  

yah, i agree, u got a point

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