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xeagwms

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PostedOct 11, 2009 11:37 pm   Last edited by xeagwms on Oct 22, 2009 3:48 pm. Edited 3 times in total

Mem's Tale

CHAPTER 1 IS UP!
As a disclaimer, this is my first attempt at writing any sort of fanfiction, so any and all criticism is welcomed. I'm not sure how often I will post new sections, but we'll see Smile

MEM'S TALE

Prologue



"18...19...20! Ready or not, here I come!"

Mem opened his eyes and spun around, hoping to catch one of his slower friends before they could hide themselves. To his disappointment there wasn't anybody in sight. Mem was short by any standards, and especially short by the standards of his Nordein peers.

"Darnit..." muttered Mem as he proceeded out from under Greendieta's gnarled trunk. The ancient tree scattered the light from the blazing sun up above; Mem stared at it, mesmerized by the stunning effect caused by the rays of the sun.

The village elders woulld give him a good whipping, he knew, if they found out that he was playing hide and seek with his friends here again. "Sacrilegious" "Blasphemy" they had said the first time he was caught. The town thought of Greendieta as a gift from the Goddess to the people of this land and worshiped it as if it were the hem of Her robe.

A sudden rustling in the bush behind him caught Mem's attention. With a quick glance in the direction, Mem saw something quite odd about the kiden fruit bush... it grew ears! "Wow! What a rare find! Elven kiden fruits! Elder Karwa is going to be surprised!" Snickered Mem as he slowly creeped to the shrub. Without a moment's hesitation, Mem lept into the bush, tackling the poor elf known as Tels'mir.

"Oww, no fair! My ears are bigger than yours!" complained Tels'mir as he pushed Mem off him.

"Haha, maybe you should think about that the next time you hide behind such as small bush!" The two boys froze, recognizing the voice as that of Henna, the town's apothecary and also the caretaker of the orphanage where the children lived.

"Oh don't worry, I won't tell the elders. Besides, they have more important things to worry about now. Anyway, come you children, lunch is ready,"

"Aww, does that mean us too?" questioned a voice under an old barrel.

"Yes, Torres, that means this game is over for everybody. Come now, you can play after you eat. Besides, we're having pixie stew!"

"More important things?" wondered Mem, "What was more important to the elders than making sure the children respected Greendieta and The Goddess?"


And with that, the calm scenery around the ancient tree came to life as children crawled out from their hiding places all following Henna back to Lupes Town, back to home. Now, to an outsider, Lupes Town is an extremely bizarre sight to behold. Why? Well, Lupes is the last remaining integrated village on the planet! That's right, Vail tailors living in peace side by side human blacksmiths and Elven apothecaries living in harmony with Nordein farmers. Lupes Town was the only village left untouched after the Great Shift caused the outbreak of war between The Alliance of Light and The Union of Fury all those centuries ago. A temporary peace had settled over the two factions with the signing of the Rivalis Treaty, however; the times were changing...

~~~~~~~~~~~

"****!"

"Please refrain from such language during meetings, Elyssa"

"Karwa, this is not the time for your idealism! The Alliance has taken Flagrans! Do you have any idea what that means?!" shouted Elyssa, as her clutched fists trembled upon the oak table of the Parliament House, her slender Elven arms masking the strength of a former archer of The Alliance.

"Yes, I am quite aware of the consequences. It has been some number of years since the relics have exchanged sides... the balance of power with this act of aggression from The Alliance will break this uneasy peace," admitted Karwa.


A new voice thundered across the room:

"And Commander Qualdre will not let this go unpunished! There will be armies sent to take Flagrans back and Lupes will be caught in the middle of it all! It is only a matter of time, Karwa, our town's charter is nearing its end and if

the things keep going the way they have been... we won't be allowed to renew it! It will be the end of our home as we know it and I, for one, will not allow it!"

"None of us want to lose our home Krudj, I am sure of that. We will send an emissary to both Karis and Raigo tomorrow to ensure the safety of our town, we must attempt to mediate this conflict." This was not stated as an option, this

was a command given by the eldest citizen of Lupes Town. Karwa's Vail wisdom at the age of 647 alloted him the position of Head Elder in Parliament and few questioned his authority, at least, during normal times.

"Very well Karwa, command us as you like, but when the basilisks of The Union are at our doorsteps, everything will be on your head!" Krudj threw his ale mug across the room and stormed out of the building. The rest of Parliament took

this as a signal that the meeting was over, stood up, bowed, and quietly left the building.

Alone in the grand chamber of Parliament, Karwa walked to the mantle of the fireplace. The warmth of the arcane fire was lost on him, his face - once so full of pride and honor - was weary and wrinkled. He reached his hand out to grab

ahold of the Sapphire Rose hanging above the fireplace, "How long has it been...?"

~~~~~~~~~~~

Mem stared as the emissaries left the town the following day, not fully aware of daunting task the were charged with. All he knew was that all of the grown ups in the town seemed a lot more tense than usual. He had seen Henna last

night, weeping as she mixed a vat of Arcane potions "Our lives are going to change, Mem, and I don't think I'm ready for it." She had confided in him and he now felt a burden placed upon his shoulder. Whatever this change was, he didn't want it to happen.

"Hey Mem, are you ok?"

It was Yissara, she was the most recent addition to the "family" of orphans that Henna had taken upon herself to raise. Henna had found her being chased by a pack of wolves near Raigo Castle when she had gone out to pick herbs. Yissara was the same age as Mem and he acted like a brother towards her.

"Ya, Yissie, I'm fine. Hey, you wanna tell everybody that we're going back to the tree after supper?"

"Mem... I overheard the elders at the meeting last night... something bad is going to happen, isn't it? Something about war and -"

"Yissie, nothing bad is going to happen as long as Karwa is here to protect us. Now go tell the others that we're gonna play hide and seek again tonight, ok?"

Yissara let out a sigh, knowing she was defeated, "Fine, fine..."


~~~~~~~~~~~

The afternoon in Lupes Town was a spectacle to behold. As few travelers wandered to the town early morning, it was now that the merchants, loaded with their fresh supplies, opened shop and welcomed any race to purchase supplies. The

streets were filled with hunters arguing over the rates warehouse managers were charging, mages attempting to trade for arcane amulets, and hot headed fighters challenging each other to duels. Henna was there too selling various potions the travelers were sure to need on their adventures and quests. Jynk and Gordon, two weaponsmiths, were arguing over the effectiveness of axes versus swords, much to the amusement of passerbys, though it surely had a negative impact on

their number of sales. Mem wandered from stall to stall gazing at all the weapons and armors. He had always been captivated by how the light refracted off metals and made them shine like a second sun, but he never wanted to become

involved in fighting. He much more preferred to stay in in the safety of Lupes Town with all his friends and Henna, living without caring about the grief of war and the pains of the rest of the world.

Eager to play hide and seek again, Mem ate supper as soon as the kitchen hands brought it into the dining hall. He ran to Greendieta just as the sun began to set at the horizon and the red-orange glow washed over the landscape. Mem

climbed up Greendieta as far as he could and sat down on a branch watching the sunset while waiting for his friends to arrive. He had thought of the perfect hiding spot. As his eyelids began to droop, a figure appeared in the horizon.

"A blue dragon mount!" gasped Mem. He had only seen a handful of these rare beasts, but Mem knew it was a division commander's mount. Suddenly excited, Mem jumped down from his branch to greet this fascinating visitor.

Something was wrong. Mem could tell as soon as he could make out the details of the rider and mount. The rider, a guardian, was slumped over on the blue dragon, his cape was tattered, and his golden armor was stained in red blood of

humans and elves. The name "Nurok" engraved into the chestpiece was barely visible. Mem backed up in terror, something was definitely wrong.

Just then, three consecutive arrows flew out of the trees and struck the guardian, knocking him off his mount. His massive frame rolled within meters of where Mem stood, his face scrunched up in agony.

"Run, fool" was all the guardian said before he got up and headed south, the ancient enchantments on his boots carrying him faster than any man Mem had ever seen. Mem heard the shouting of men and elves behind him and hid under the trunk of Greendieta, praying to The Goddess that he would not be found. Only when he heard the gallops of the human's horses and the roars of the elven lions pass, did Mem dare lift his head. He needed to go back and tell the elders, tell Henna, tell anybody of what he saw. Hide and seek could wait tonight.

But what Mem found once he reached Lupus Town was not the serenity of a summer's night, but a battlefield. Nurok, the guardian he had seen earlier stood at the center of the town, surrounded by three fighters, an archer, and a mage.

Nurok dashed towards the archer, changed his grip so that he was holding his mace by the very end of the grip, allowing him to swing his weapon in a six meter range. The archer tried to back up and as he fired his volleys, but on the third strike, Nurok smashed the archer's bow clean in two, knocking him to the ground.

"Genma!" screamed one of the fighters as he charged the guardian.
"****" muttered the mage as he started channeling mystical energies.

The other two fighters all charged the guardian and at that point, Nurok released an unearthly battle cry and the earth trembled as arcane magics swirled around his body.

"****! DAYFLY!" screamed the mage.

But it was too late. All the spells and attacks directed towards Nurok bounced off his body and were reflected to the surrounding landscape and Mem was blown away by the shear force of the energies reflected.

Mem, on the verge of unconciousness stared in horror at the scene before him. Nurok crumpled on the ground, there were no traces of his attackers, and the town was ablaze. As hard as he tried, Mem could not fight back the darkness that consumed his consciousness and left him laying on the ground before his beloved home town.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well that's the end of the prologue! What did you guys think?
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__Kay__

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__Kay__
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PostedOct 13, 2009 2:27 pm
Omg.... I love it! Very Happy

Pharwynd

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PostedOct 13, 2009 4:33 pm
Fantastic prologue^^, and a very interesting and unique starting point.
/karma

xeagwms

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PostedOct 13, 2009 7:47 pm
***Updated with a map for those readers not familiar with the dwater map and its landmarks***

And thanks for the comments ^^

I'm aiming for 1 chapter a week, but with all the college midterms testing going on right now, I can't promise anything Sad

xeagwms

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PostedOct 19, 2009 12:00 am
Chapter 1: OUTSET

"Rain. Incessant, deafening, dark, rain. How long has it been since the sun hid itself behind the gray sky and furious thunder?"

A blue dragon, a bloody horizon, and the screams of man, elf, and nordein flash through Mem's mind.

Mem's eyes were closed. He was lying on ground - for how long? He had no idea. The rain beat down on his face, the droplets felt like needles piercing his skull. He had been dreaming of that night again, the night when his childhood fantasies of living with Yissara, Tels'mir, Henna, Karwa, and all the other citizens of Lupes Town came crashing down around him. That was eight years ago, but he still saw the towering figure of the guardian Nurok when he laid down to rest at night.

He opened his eyes. The sound of boot steps neared. He was back in the present, back in Suteron, that accursed place. Yissara was right, war did break out. Eight years ago, when The Alliance captured Flagrans, it marked the beginning - no, the war never ended - the continuation of the centuries old conflict between The Alliance and The Union. Five years ago, when the end of the war was nowhere in sight, every Nordein and Vail in all the land was drafted to fight for the glory of The Union.

Including Mem.

At the age of 13, Mem joined the Youth Corps to be trained to become what was touted to be "The next generation of defenders of our Homeland" and so, he was packaged with his meager belongings and shipped, like cargo, to this dam.ned place.

"Huh, what do we have here? Better hurry along now, little Mem, or else us big, bad, hunters might accidentally skewer you!"

Mem recognized that sneering tone and arrogant voice immediately. "Shut the f.uck up, Rykon!" Mem's left hand tightened upon the grip of his shield and swung it at the hunter and his posse. The hunters saw it coming and sidestepped the blow.

"Oooooh, the little guardian is angry, maybe we caught him at a bad time? It's ok, little Memmie, you'll get to see your precious lighti.e friends soon enough - in the afterlife!"

Mem couldn't stand it anymore, he wanted to kill every single one of them, bash their heads in until their laughter was silenced.

"Ahahaha! Oh look! He's getting angry!"
"Noooo! Don't smack us with your little club, please spare us! HAHAHA!

Just then, a voice came from behind, it was Sergeant Jornuk :
"MEM! What are you doing on the hunter range?! Get your a.ss back to the endurance field, at this moment!"

"Sir, yes sir!"

"Oooo, consider yourself saved, Mem, we would've torn you apart!" shouted Rykon as he followed the sergeant.

"Mem, try not to get yourself killed on the last day of your training, huh? Jeez kid, don't let those hunters get to ya, you hear?"

"Ya..."

The last day, the sergeant was right, today was the last day he had to stay in this he.ll-hole. After today, he would become an official guardian of The Union. His primary duties would be to escort the defenseless and protect the weak. It doesn't sound exciting to any of the other trainees he had met, but this is the path Mem wanted to take. There would be no bloodshed in his future.

"Task Master Kurtz has your final assignment Mem, good luck. I look forward to handing you your armor and shield when you've finished." The sergeant put his forearm in front of his chest and nodded his head in the customary salute between fellow soldiers and left.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Arrrrgh!" Mem landed a crushing blow to the skull of the mutant arachne, wiped the rain from his face, and stooped down to collect the final blood sample. He packed the vile into his pack and ran down the checklist the task master had given him.

"10 boar skins, 30 spider fangs, 20 poison larva stingers, 25 kobolt axes, 10 puma claws, 15
viles of arachne blood. Finally..."

Mem returned to the task master, only to see his fellow guardians and warriors sparring in their gleaming steel armors. They all watched him walk up to Kurtz and hand in his pack for inspection, and when Kurtz gave him the nod of approval and a pat on the back, they all exploded in congratulations while a few of the rowdier warriors set off firecrackers.

"Hey, guess what Mem?" It was his friend, a warrior named Erbor, "ALL of the guardians and warriors passed! You were the last person, HAHA! Can you believe it? Every one of us! We're all officially soldiers of The Union now!" Woohooo!"

"What about the hunters?" questioned Mem.

"Oh those pansies? Only half of them managed to get the stuff! What a bunch of weaklings, the other half almost died because they let the creatures get too close, haha! And guess what - "

"Hope I'm not interrupting your conversation, boys, but there's one last order of business." Mem looked up to see Sergeant Jornuk with a faint smile on his face, towering over him. "Mem, I hereby present you with the Steel Armor of The Union, wear it with pride, soldier."

Mem shook the sergeant's hand and Erbor helped him clasp the chest-piece on. He had expected the armor to weigh him down, but to his surprise, the weight barely affected his movement at all. He stared at his name engraved on the steel plate along with "13th Guardian Division".

"Hehe, looking good Mem! You wanna break that thing in with a little sparring?" Mem never had the chance to reply as Sergeant Jornuk began issuing orders to all the new soldiers when the hunters joined the group.

"Congratulations to all of you, new soldiers of The Union! Your hard work over these past five years have paid off, be proud of your achievements. HOWEVER! Time is short and war does not wait. You have been assigned to your divisions, arrange yourself in standard columns, STAT. Your division leaders will issue further orders. Good luck, soldiers, may The Goddess guide you."

~~~~~~~~~~~

"The battle at Proelium has taken a turn for the worse," declared Corporal Hasheer, "and our forces on the front lines are in need of some heavy firepower. We, the 13th Guardian Division, have been assigned to escort ten squads of pagans from Aridon to reinforce our troops entrenched at Proelium Ides. Once they arrive safely, we are to provide support to the captain as he sees fit. I do not have to remind all of you the importance of this mission, if we capture the altar, our foothold in Proelium will allow us to pressure the light.ies from a central location and crush their moral. We will not fail!"

The divisions all separated, each heading towards their own destination. The 13th Guardian Division rendezvoused with ten squads of the 2nd Pagan Division at the Paroutian Fortress gates, preparing for the journey to the front lines. The new troops shivered, not from the cold, but from pure, unadulterated fear. This was going to be their first encounter with the enemy that they had been training all these years to fight. Despite all their mockeries of the humans and jokes about the elves back during training, their mouths were strangely quite as they took their first steps out of the fortress. Few were ready for what challenges lied ahead, and nobody was prepared for the losses they would suffer...

xymphony

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PostedOct 25, 2009 6:08 pm
The prologue was amazing and the setting for it was a very unique choice. It offers a great contrast to what most other fan fictions about this game are about: fighting, killing, warriors, assassins, it's all the same. But you took a very interesting road with the prologue.

The first chapter started strong, it gave great insight to Mem's life and the descriptions were memorable. However, once the scene with the Hunters started, the story telling felt a bit rushed. It was a series of fast dialogue followed by narration that summarized maybe a little too much. It felt as if you were just writing to get it over with rather than to tell the story as well as you did in the prologue.

My advice to you: Don't worry about how long it takes you to get a chapter out, post them when you think they are ready. The readers won't hate the story if you take a bit longer to post a well written chapter, but you might lose readers if you continue posting hastily written ones.

Don't take this the wrong way though, I look forward to seeing what happens in the next chapters! Smile

Edit:
xeagwms wrote:

Nurok dashed towards the archer, changed his grip so that he was holding his mace by the very end of the grip, allowing him to swing his weapon in a six meter range.  


I read this bit again and again, but am I right in assuming that you are describing Demon Hushing here? If so, I think that is a very interesting view of how the ability works!

Retired...

xeagwms

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PostedOct 25, 2009 6:32 pm
xymphony wrote:
The prologue was amazing and the setting for it was a very unique choice. It offers a great contrast to what most other fan fictions about this game are about: fighting, killing, warriors, assassins, it's all the same. But you took a very interesting road with the prologue.  


Thank you! I had always been curious about Lupes Town. It just seemed so random, you know? A burnt down town in dwater, no explantions or anything. And Ancient Tree Greendieta too, but now that Sky City has opened up, I'm going to have more material to work with. An ancient neutral race, it's perfect!

xymphony wrote:

The first chapter started strong, it gave great insight to Mem's life and the descriptions were memorable. However, once the scene with the Hunters started, the story telling felt a bit rushed. It was a series of fast dialogue followed by narration that summarized maybe a little too much. It felt as if you were just writing to get it over with rather than to tell the story as well as you did in the prologue.  


Ya, I know what you mean. I read it over again, and I can't say I'm too happy with it. It was getting late and I wanted to follow a weekly update schedule... but I now see the consequences. I'm going to try my best to update every week, but I won't do it if it means sacrificing quality.

xymphony wrote:
My advice to you: Don't worry about how long it takes you to get a chapter out, post them when you think they are ready. The readers won't hate the story if you take a bit longer to post a well written chapter, but you might lose readers if you continue posting hastily written ones.  


Thanks, I genuinely appreciate the advice and review you have given. It was very helpful ^^
xymphony wrote:

Don't take this the wrong way though, I look forward to seeing what happens in the next chapters! Smile  


Thanks! I'll do my best.

xymphony wrote:

Edit:
xeagwms wrote:

Nurok dashed towards the archer, changed his grip so that he was holding his mace by the very end of the grip, allowing him to swing his weapon in a six meter range.  


I read this bit again and again, but am I right in assuming that you are describing Demon Hushing here? If so, I think that is a very interesting view of how the ability works!  


Haha, ya I was trying to describe Demon Hushing! I'm glad somebody got that!

Joined AeriaGames for Shaiya in '08. Don't remember the password to my first account. Quit AeriaGames for the dumpster that Shaiya became. Looking at RotT before DotA 2 comes and stomps all pre-existing MOBA games.

xymphony

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PostedOct 26, 2009 10:18 am
I'm glad I could help Smile

Now keep writing! I wanna know what happens next O.O

Retired...

ImKiss

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PostedNov 23, 2009 6:42 am
xymphony wrote:
I'm glad I could help Smile

Now keep writing! I wanna know what happens next O.O  

Ditto D:

Pharwynd

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PostedNov 24, 2009 9:35 am
Great work^^, when is second chapter coming o.o? i can't wait =D

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