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KizumonoAVA

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KizumonoAVA
Joined
31 Jan 2016
Posts
260
Location
Netherlands
PostedMar 27, 2016 6:52 pm

My own private complain thread

Basically when I want to complain I will post here. Likely about my body and etc. issues, just didn't want to start a tumblr for this and no other site works as well as this :p.






Well today I really hate my body. I don't understand why my shoulders seem so big, or my shoulder/upper arm ratio is so huge. I know I'm a bit overweight, and I do think that losing weight may help a lot, but I am really worried that it will not solve that problem. My legs look really nice though, but my stomach is a bit fat. My face is also..... a big too big or etc, but I also do not know if weight loss will solve that at all. My hair is just crazy, and all over the place with no real sense of style or direction. Straightening it looks like sht, and leaving it alone also makes it look just like "wow you didn't come your hair! what a poof ball!". There's nothing to be done about it, so hopefully my hair cut in 6 weeks will help a lot.



I need to lose weight instead of just complaining about all of this stuff like I usually do though. I started taking ---------- 3 days ago now? and it does feel good. I don't feel nearly as hungry, and I did lose a bit of weight I think. But I am a bit worried about the side effects, I know they will only get worse. At this point though I don't really care too much if I die or something from it, I guess maybe I would care at the time, but right now thinking about that possibility doesn't faze me at all. I just need to utilize the decreased appetite from that stuff to actually eat less. My goal is to lose 10 lbs by the time the semester ends in 45 days. So it's like a 45 day diet plan. By the end of summer I need to be down at least 25 lbs, hopefully 30-50.



Even though I hate my appearance so much and dislike my life right now, I just don't have the tools or time to change it at all. I think I'm going to just try to wear more sweaters or bulkier clothes that don't reveal so much, so that I can hide myself so I don't have to see in the mirror. I need to stop worrying about looks in general, and just keep taking --------- and lose weight. Maybe after school ends in 45 days I can worry more about exercising and makeup and etc. sorts of things that right now are just a waste of time for me. I'll focus on video games and school to distract me from my personal problems.

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bryanurquia27

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25 Mar 2016
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Location
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PostedMar 28, 2016 4:11 am

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KizumonoAVA

Rank 1
KizumonoAVA
Joined
31 Jan 2016
Posts
260
Location
Netherlands
PostedMar 28, 2016 4:15 pm
Welp today I ate a good amnt kinda. I ate too little probably, but I should lose weight which is what makes me the most happy. I just worry about the tingliness and cramps I get in my hands and feet, and I feel a bit worried abt health risks.

It's really hard to balance eating less, being somewhat healthy, losing weight fast, self image being realistic, and also staying positive. Today I probably ate less, and started to lose weight fast out of those.

KizumonoAVA

Rank 1
KizumonoAVA
Joined
31 Jan 2016
Posts
260
Location
Netherlands
PostedMar 29, 2016 2:22 pm
My friends are worrying about me a lot lately and crying, it makes me feel really guilty. I just feel the need to talk to people about how I feel, and I know why they feel sad, but I wish that they didn't have to get so upset. I know what I'm doing isn't the most healthy thing, but I also know I am safe and I will not end up in a bad place like they fear.


Today I ate a good amount of food (grilled chicken sandwich Very Happy!) and stuffs. Was super nauseous this morning sadly ;-;.


Have homework to do later, ugh. At least tomorrow is my short day, so I can relax tomorrow. Thursday I have a doctor appt. that I am excited for, I just hope my bloodwork is good and he doesn't notice anything is different with my medications.

KizumonoAVA

Rank 1
KizumonoAVA
Joined
31 Jan 2016
Posts
260
Location
Netherlands
PostedMar 30, 2016 5:10 pm
I ate a good amnt today and used a food scale for the first time in a long time. I think I'm starting to be a bit happier with my looks. I hope I can continue to eat good and lose weight Smile. Felt good today.



Still feel like I'm too annoying of a person and I talk too much, but I really can't help it. Sometimes I really wish I would talk less or be more normal, but then I just..... I dunno I just end up being me again when I stop paying attention to it, and so I feel bad. I think I hate awkward silences, so I end up saying dumb stuff and I dunno, I tend to want to express love/positive stuff and feelings, but then I end up saying really weird things -_-. I have to work on it.

KizumonoAVA

Rank 1
KizumonoAVA
Joined
31 Jan 2016
Posts
260
Location
Netherlands
PostedApr 03, 2016 6:00 pm
Hmm I feel bleh still often, and dislike my looks a lot. But lately I've been exploring or thinking about why I am so perfectionist, and trying to slow down.


I started to count calories and etc on myfitnesspal, and I am down 5 lbs so far. I need to lose around.... 25-30? more lbs and I will be at a nice skinny weight for my height.


My doctor increased my hormones as well, so that should help with my looks in some respect.



I am playing a lot more video games and etc lately, with less focus on friends/social life/college/looks so I don't have to stress out or worry anymore.

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