Everybody I know usually calls their dog Rover or Spot. I called mine ***. Now *** has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk I'd like a license for ***. He said, "I would like to have one too!"
Then I said, "She is a dog!!"
He said he didnt care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand, I had *** since I was 9 years old."
He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have *** at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But *** has played a big part in my life, and my life revolves around ***."
He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everybody would like having *** at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for ***. He said every room in the motel is a place for ***. I said, "You don't understand! *** keeps me awake at night."
The clerk said, "me too!"
One day I entered *** in a contest, but before the competition began, *** ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around, and I told him that I was going to have *** in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets.
"You don't understand," I said. "I hoped to have *** on TV!"
He called me a 'show off'!
When my wife and I split, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had *** before I was married, but *** left me after I was married."
The judge said, "Me too!!"
Last night, *** ran off again, and I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said "I'm looking for ***."
My case comes up next Thursday.
Well, now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced, and had more **** troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why, just the other day when I went for my first session with my shrink, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "*** has been my best friend all of my life, but now it has left me forever, I couldn't live any longer, so lonely!"
And the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand *** isn't a man's best friend, so get your self a dog."