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gxbuddy

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gxbuddy
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26 May 2011
Posts
28
Location
Trinidad and Tobago
PostedSep 29, 2011 6:53 pm

For those who are feeling bored and waiting for LO too long.

come here. u will never feel bored again.
so. hows it goin. wanna hear some sotries. i din't make em up though.

STORY 1
A mother was taking a shower when her2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look. Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!"

STORY 2

A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away.

STORY 3

A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’

STORY 4

An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the stool. He mustered all his courage for long time, then timidly approached and asked her, "Ma’ am, would be OK if sit here and talk with you?" She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Customers in the bar started staring at them. The embarrassed guy quickly returns to his table dejected and ashamed. The young woman waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize. With a smile on her face she says, "I am sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I am a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how people react to embarrassing moments." The cunning guy now yells loudly, "What do you mean by $500?"

Can u share some stories like this for us?
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gxbuddy

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gxbuddy
Joined
26 May 2011
Posts
28
Location
Trinidad and Tobago
PostedSep 29, 2011 7:04 pm
here is another one:

A patient goes to the doctor's office where, much to his surprise the doctor asks him, "Would you please help me with a problem I'm having?"

Sure, doctor, what can I do for you, says the patient.

"Would you scream in the most earsplitting, piercing screams you can manage? Try to make it sound as if you're in terrible pain." The doctor says.

"But why, doctor, you've always been gentle with me and your treatments have never caused me any pain?" Asks the patient.

"Yes," Says the doctor in a matter-of-fact tone, "but I have a 4 o'clock tee time at the golf course I don't want to miss, and my waiting room is still full of patients.

ZephyrFireStrom

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ZephyrFireStrom
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28 Jun 2011
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174
Location
Australia
PostedSep 29, 2011 10:27 pm
False Advertising. Still bored.

When Will The Human Race Be Judged. Origin Help Us.

gxbuddy

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gxbuddy
Joined
26 May 2011
Posts
28
Location
Trinidad and Tobago
PostedSep 30, 2011 3:30 pm
yes thats exactly why i said. I DIDN"T MAKE EM UP.

ZephyrFireStrom

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ZephyrFireStrom
Joined
28 Jun 2011
Posts
174
Location
Australia
PostedSep 30, 2011 10:49 pm
I wasn't questioning if it was real or not or who did them. In a reponse to "u will never feel bored again." I called out false advertising because those stories are boring.

Get your facts straight

When Will The Human Race Be Judged. Origin Help Us.

gxbuddy

Rank 0
gxbuddy
Joined
26 May 2011
Posts
28
Location
Trinidad and Tobago
PostedOct 01, 2011 5:47 am
heh heh. that title was just to draw ppl. but u can make it funny. by posting funnier stories.

kavikk

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kavikk
Joined
16 Aug 2008
Posts
21
Location
Sapphire Botswana
PostedOct 05, 2011 1:50 am
I just got home from a date and felt like reading the worst dates ever, posted on this dating forum. I came across this story and i just HAD to share it, LOL. It is quite a long story, but very funny.

Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...

Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.

I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??

So I bend over and try to push my erected ***** down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!

So then I'm like "*** this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my ***** hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my **** sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect ***** into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my *** was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.

I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:
I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor..
At that point things get even worse...

The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the **** bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the Hard? why?? you don't think we're having *** do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (******edly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the Hard does it smell so ****ing bad? What the Hard are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect *****, left over fecal residue on my ***,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my *** off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.

All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my **** pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is ****ing ******ed (yes mad).

to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well **** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disaters like this one....

This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.




anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?

jamesfansian

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jamesfansian
Joined
02 Apr 2011
Posts
5
Location
Trinidad and Tobago
PostedOct 06, 2011 4:22 am
haha that was **** funny. if i were u i wud kill myself. hahaha. is anyone sharing anymore?? come on ppl. after that one i cud hear a thousand more.

zpierre

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Joined
19 Jul 2011
Posts
2
Location
Trinidad and Tobago
PostedOct 06, 2011 4:25 am
haha nice nice. lol
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