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PegasusDash

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PegasusDash
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PostedAug 13, 2011 11:12 am
Oh my goodness Zanweki <3 This is Brilliant!! (Who else calls you Zanweki)
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Valkarey

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PostedAug 13, 2011 12:00 pm
Chapter 7

"What did you just say?" Says Saito. "Lord Heroment has defected to Gibril, with his personal forces." repeats Jin. Saito leans back against the tree, then slaps his forehead with his hand. "Also...We have new orders, Lord. And I know you aren't going to like them..." says Jin. Saito drops his hand to his side, then slowly gets up off the tree. He pulls a rag out of his pockets, then wipes the blood off his face. "Alright, lets hear them." Says Saito. "Understood, these orders come from High Lord Rak himself. I'll read them now." Says Jin, as he pulls a scroll from his leather bag. Jin reads "Lord Saito, it pains me to say this after Lord Heroment raised you, but he has defected and serves Gibril now, therefore, you have new orders. You are to lead your entire army, and capture with Heroment. If he resist, then you have permission to execute him on the spot. Treachery against Templar will not be tolerated. Once the deed is done, bring him here to me if he is alive, if dead, bring me his head. You will receive Orinto Keep for your service. I expect great things, Saito. -High Lord Rak." Saito lets out a sigh. "Your orders, Lord?" asks Jin. "We are Soldiers of Templar, our duty is to follow the orders and laws of our kingdom, and so we shall. Make ready the army." Says Saito "Sir!" Says Jin, he runs off. Saito leans against the tree as soon as Jin is out of sight, then curls into a ball, as the water rushes down his cheeks.

Saito walks out of the forest, to see his men are in formation and awaiting his return. Granus waits in-front of them, standing at attention facing Saito. "Sir, Soldiers are ready to march!" Says Granus. "Good, lets move onward to Orinto." Says Saito. "Understood Sir!" Replies Granus.

The march to Orinto was a long one. Granus tells Saito that Haruna left with her forces to return and report their mission was successful. Apparently, Saito stayed in the forest for over 5 hours. During that time, his men got everything prepared, they ate and slept, they tended to the wounded on both sides as well. "So, hows Tai?" Ask Saito. "He is heavily wounded, but he will be fine with a few weeks of rest." Replies Granus. "Ah, I see." Replies Saito. The rest of the way to Orinto was quiet besides the sound of armor rattling.

Hours later, the army arrives at Orinto. Templar archers are lined up on the wall, ready to fight anyone for their lord, Heroment. "It appears he doesn't want to surrender, shall we give it a try anyway?" Ask Granus. "Yea, no harm in trying." Says Saito.

The gates of Orinto open, three figures can be seen walking out. They are identified as Heroment with two of his generals. "Good evening, Saito." Heroment says as he walks up. Saito frown, he stares at the man who raised him from the brink of death, the man who was like his father. "Surrender Heroment, Save us the trouble and you and your men will be spared." Says Saito, while sensing the threat of tears. "Why would I surrender? You can't kill me, the man who raised you." Says Heroment. "Why are you doing this?" Ask Saito "I do this because Templar has treated me wrong. It was me who created you, the hero. I raised you, I am the cause of all your heroic deeds, but I get no praise, no treasure, no land or title but which I already have. All they talk about is you. I raised you, and got nothing in return but a ungrateful child." Says Heroment, his anger rising. Granus, who is standing beside Saito, frowns. "Former Lord Jeria Heroment, you are hereby placed under arrest. Come quietly with us." Says Granus. "No, I think not. Saito will die right here, and I shall get glory and renown." Responds Heroment, who raises his hand then throws it down quickly. The archers on-top of the walls of Orinto take aim at Saito, then fire a massive volley. Saito continues standing there, shocked by what his father-like figure said, as arrows exceeding the number 40 fly at him. Granus jumps in his way and pulls his sword out, cutting the arrows in half before they get any closer. "Your orders sire?" Granus asks, while blocking the arrows. Saito snaps out of his state of confusion. "Charge! I want Heroment alive! I care not what you do to the traitors." yells Saito. With that, Heroment retreats back into his castle, the whole Templar army charges the rouge Templars. With that, the battle begins.

End of Chapter 7

Valkarey

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PostedAug 13, 2011 12:05 pm
PegasusDash wrote:
Oh my goodness Zanweki <3 This is Brilliant!! (Who else calls you Zanweki)  

Its an Ask Surprised

allibrat

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PostedAug 14, 2011 3:37 pm
"don't tell us what happens through dialogue."

I hafta agree there. Work it into the story, and I'm a little confused about where this is happening. It says earth, the continent of Abira, Japanese names wearing Templar robes.
Is it a lost continent? Parallel universe? Are there different races?
Nice story tho...more more!

Valkarey

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PostedAug 14, 2011 8:27 pm
allibrat wrote:
"don't tell us what happens through dialogue."

Parallel universe? Are there different races?
 


^ There are a few more races, I just haven't decided when I'll bring them into the story. And yes, a parallel universe, although I don't remember putting earth in there o.o

allibrat

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PostedAug 15, 2011 7:17 am
" The metal is said to be the strongest possible on the earth, "
the strongest possible on this parallel world would cover that....

but then u hafta explain how they know that.....
not the metal.. the parallel.... thing......

PegasusDash

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PostedAug 16, 2011 9:10 am
allibrat wrote:
" The metal is said to be the strongest possible on the earth, "
the strongest possible on this parallel world would cover that....

but then u hafta explain how they know that.....
not the metal.. the parallel.... thing......  


Could just say.
"The metal is said to be the strongest substance this world contains."
Razz Whatever though.

Valkarey

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Valkarey
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PostedAug 17, 2011 2:32 pm
Valkarey wrote:
I am well aware I have made Many mistakes, this however is only a draft I ask you all to post your comments like you did last time, I am proud of this work, I feel I have done alot better with the help I received from you all last time, thanks!  

^

I am well aware I have made mistakes, I am not a great writer...yet.

I thank you for your feedback, I'll try to avoid doing that in later chapters. Razz

Valkarey

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PostedSep 11, 2011 11:49 pm
Chapter 8

"Ahh!" Yells a rogue Templar atop the castle walls, as an arrow penetrates his chest armor. The two armies exchange arrows at one another, Saito's Templars use wooden shields for cover, they duck and reload, firing massive volleys. "Charge, get those ladders up! Archers, aim for the Captains atop the walls, they give the orders!" Shouts Granus. When the battle started, Saito and Granus retreated to the back of the Templar army. Saito stands with Granus, and twelve of his elite soldiers, while their army pushes forth into Orinto. Finally, a group of Templar Laddermen, manage to get a few ladders up on the walls of Orinto. Templar soldiers climb the ladders quickly, the reach the top of the walls and disarm the rogue archers, causing them to surrender. Jin reaches the wall, he climbs up quickly. As he arrives, the Templars atop the wall salute him. "Sir, the walls are captured. Currently, our forces are fighting inside the courtyard of the keep." Says a Templar, he has blood on his helmet. Jin walks to the edge of the walls, then looks down into the courtyard. There is a huge melee going on down there. Templars are in combat with rouge Templars. The sound of metal clanging together is all that can be heard. Jin observes the fighting, he sees a Templar attack an enemy, who blocks, then counters. The process continues until the rouge loses grip of his weapon, while the Templar strikes. The weapon goes flying out of his hand, The Templar then runs his sword through the rogue's chest. He looks at another brawl, a Templar stands over a rogue Templar, the Templar has his sword held high. He thrust it at the rogue, who is on the ground. The rogue rolls over, then grabs a spear and thrusts it into the Templars chest, killing him. Jin frowns at this, Templars shouldn't be killing each other. He steps forward, then gets ready to speak. "Templars! We are all brethren, why must we fight? I know you don't want to fight each other. Surrender, please. Serve our lord, he is kind and helps all. I know you don't want to die a traitor's death, just throw your weapons down." Says Jin, the fighting stops and all eyes turn to him, listening to his speech. Over a third of the rogues throw their weapons down. The rest continue to fight, and are quickly put to rest.

Saito enters through the war-torn gates of Orinto keep, with his elites and Granus. A few of his soldiers are standing at attention in the courtyard, others move bodies, put fires out, or prepare to storm the inside of the keep itself. Jin, who was standing at attention, walks up to Saito. "Lord, many of Heroment's men wish to join us. You orders regarding this matter?" asks Jin. Saito looks behind the men standing at attention, he sees about fifty soldiers, who bear Heroment's crest, standing at attention as well. "I don't mind, but keep a close eye out on them. If any of them act suspicious that could mean they plan to betray us, lock them up or execute them on the spot." responds Saito. "Sir!" says Jin. Saito and his group walk up to the tall front door of Orinto keep, many Templars surround the door, ready to bust in. "Do it." Saito says to the men. Six men carry a batting ram, then hit it against the door. The door falls in three hits, with a loud boom. Thirty Templars storm the keep. With that, sounds of metal clanging together start again. Saito walks in the keep, through the dust of the door. He sees his men fully deadlocked with the rogue Templars, each doing their utmost best to stay alive.

Saito walks through the chaos of the fights, with Granus following him. Granus blocks any attacks that are directed at Saito, then kills the attacker. He looks around the keep, noticing the two sides are paired together and in battle. He sees a Templar uppercut a rogue with his blade, killing the rogue. He sees another pair fighting on even terms, trying their best to not let the other gain the advantage. Then, Saito hears a noise that surprises him, he looks straight ahead to see a Heroment, pulling his sword out of a Templar's body. "Die, scum." says Heroment. He looks up to see Saito watching him. "Galia promised to send aid, I have received none yet. Looks like they planned this all along." says Heroment. Saito frowns, he runs his head through his sweaty hair. "Surrender, you've lost." he says, quietly. Saito looks down at his weapon, and is then struck by fear. "You wouldn't..." says Saito. Heroment grins. "I would." replies Heroment. Saito looks down again, to see that Heroment is holding a Demon sword, an ancient sword relic with unspeakable powers.

End of Chapter 8
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