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Darkest_Magi

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Darkest_Magi
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PostedJul 14, 2011 6:52 am
Seriously? What drove you to say this?
You shouldn't mock other people's work. Obviously, the community has shown some interest into her story. So don't be trying to start a flame war. Especially on something like this.

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Tab.

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Tab.
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PostedJul 14, 2011 8:57 am
Ah.. I always like a good novel with some aspects of war in it. This is getting more interesting.

HellCanister

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PostedJul 14, 2011 4:33 pm
Darkest_Magi wrote:
Seriously? What drove you to say this?
You shouldn't mock other people's work. Obviously, the community has shown some interest into her story. So don't be trying to start a flame war. Especially on something like this.  


To post something on a public forum is to open yourself to all types of criticism.

Now if you can't handle that, what are you doing on the internet?

And obviously I'm not a clone that follows the rest of you sheep.

Also by simply posting what you have, it looks like you're trying to start something instead of stating criticism. Looks like you're asking for a fight. I've seen enough immature white knighting trolls to know that's exactly what you're looking for. Well look somewhere else for your pathetic kicks.

One...Shot

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One...Shot
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PostedJul 14, 2011 4:44 pm
I love writing stories, I did this in my college course. Finished English I and II with A+.

You will have no problem passing English you could major in this area, I would since Im so "Good" yea right. I am planning on majoring in Criminal Justice instead.

Other then that Great Story!

Valkarey

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Valkarey
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PostedJul 14, 2011 10:11 pm
HellCanister wrote:


To post something on a public forum is to open yourself to all types of criticism.

Now if you can't handle that, what are you doing on the internet?

And obviously I'm not a clone that follows the rest of you sheep.

Also by simply posting what you have, it looks like you're trying to start something instead of stating criticism. Looks like you're asking for a fight. I've seen enough immature white knighting trolls to know that's exactly what you're looking for. Well look somewhere else for your pathetic kicks.  


Says the one coming onto forums trolling a story, a story you will never be able to make. You call what he posted "Immature white knighting trolls"? Have you looked in the mirror lately? Your the one running around posting about the title, when you haven't read even half the story. Oh look, its just like judging a book by its cover, this time by the title. You really need to grow up if you call that immature, and not what you decide to do.

Anyhow, I'm looking for help with a few ideas and wording of the story, if interested, Pm me.
The next few chapters will be out soon, I've just been on break from the story.

Oh, and I'm a guy.

Tab.

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Tab.
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PostedJul 14, 2011 10:46 pm
Valkarey wrote:
Oh, and I'm a guy.  


So far that's my favorite quote of the day.

Valkarey

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PostedJul 17, 2011 5:00 pm
Lol, Naruto quote. From Haku in the early part of the series.

Anyway, I'm hoping for the next part of the story to be released by tomorrow.

Valkarey

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PostedJul 23, 2011 4:44 am
Chapter 5

Sounds of swords clanging together are all around Saito, he sees a mixture of Gibril and Templar soldiers paired together in powerful deadlocks. The battle started ten minutes ago when Saito ordered the charge, and it isn't looking to well for the Templars. Saito slashes down a Gibril Soldier that charges him, another charges head on. He slashes at Saito, Saito back steps, dodging the attack. Saito then uppercuts, slashing a huge gash on the Gibril, killing him. Saito looks to his left to see Tai fighting alongside four of his men, they appear to be doing well until three Gibril Soldiers attack and kill two of Tai's troops. Saito hears footsteps charge him, then turns around just in time to parry a swing. A Gibril Captain is deadlocked with Saito, Saito starts attacking the Captain, swinging and stabbing anyway he can. The Captain blocks and doges with ease until he trips and falls over a rock, Saito takes the chance to finish him off, and stabs him in the chest. Saito looks around again, he notices he has already lost half of his forces. "Come together men, we must hold till reinforcements arrive!" Yells Saito. He himself is starting to get very tired, and he can tell his men are in no better shape. Saito looks over at Tai to see his men dead, Tai is fighting off a horde of Gibrils, one charges him, Tai back steps then kicks him back, another charges Tai, stabbing him in one of his ribs, Tai, pulls the man closer, then stabs him in his neck, then kicks the body back and pulls his sword out. Two more charge Tai, he slashes one of them, killing him, as the next one swings at Tai. Tai parrys the attack then slashes him, finishing him off. One last Gibril charges Tai from behind, Tai is too slow to catch him and his slashed in his back, finishing Tai himself.

Saito struggles to stay alive, its been an hour since the battle started. Saito's forces are nerely depleted, with no sign of Lord Heroment, or his troops from Irriulum Keep. Saito continues to slash down his enemies, until he hears the sound of a horn. The horn does not belong to Templar nor Gibril, he wonders who it belongs to. Saito looks to see a new large army marching onto the field, they carry the crest of the Vex Empire.

"General, the troops are in position." Says a Vex Soldier. He has a sword at his side, and wears heavy Green armor with a regular helmet. "Very good, remember our main goal is to assist Templar Lord Saito. If the enemy retreats, do not chase. Am I understand?" Says a strong demanding voice. "Yes Sire." Says the Soldier. The horns sound again, and the Vex army break into a charge.

Just as the Hex army charges the Gibril army engaged with Saito and his men, another horn sounds. It is the horn of the Templar Military, to the east approaches a Templar army. The army wears the insignia of Saito's personal forces, who are lead by Lieutenant General Granus. However, there is no sign from Heroment's troops at Orinto."Save Lord Saito!" Shouts Granus, Saito's personal forces charge.

Saito slashes down another Gibril Soldier, then sees to his right the Hex Military charging the Gibril army. He looks to his left to see his personal forces. But still, no sign of Heroment and his men. This throws Saito into a state of confusion, Orinto fort is closer to here then Irriulum. Heroment should have made it here first, but why hasn't he arrived? Saito thrust his sword through the neck of a Gibril. Perhaps...Heroment was one of the men who wanted Saito dead? Saito didn't know he was too tired to think. By now, Hex Soldiers and Saito's forces are pushing the Gibril army back. The Gibril army finally breaks, and starts to retreat. Saito sits down on the grass, and stares at his bloody blade. He bets his father would have never imagined it would have been in war like this. Saito hears footsteps approaching, then looks up. He sees a woman walking up with a few Hexen soldiers behind her. She wears the insignia of a Hexen General. "Well well, looks like we were right on time." The woman says, smiling.

End of Chapter 5

Tab.

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PostedJul 23, 2011 8:29 am
Oh hey you're back, sup' Valkarey?

Valkarey

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PostedAug 12, 2011 11:19 pm
Chapter 6

"Haruna?" Ask Saito. "Is it really you? I haven't seen you in a year!" Says Saito, his excitement growing. "Aye, how ya doing kid?" replies the Haruna. "Exhausted. What ya doing here? Vexen isn't in the war between Templar and Gibril. Won't you be in trouble?" Ask Saito. Haruna shakes her head, she has long brown hair, with eyes the color of the vast ocean. Her face is clear, and is the most beautiful face Saito has ever see. She wears women Vexen armor, with a green cape with the insignia of the Vex empire on the back."We are now. A few days ago, Gibril raided a village, and destroyed a Vexen military boarder outpost. Leading the attack on us was high general Bathisuer himself." Replies Haruna. Saito listens closely to the general. "A day after the attack, we received a messenger pigeon from High Lord Rak, of the Templar order. Apparently, a large force was heading towards Orinto keep, it also said you were here holding, and would be needing reinforcements. Looks like we made it on time." Finishes Haruna. Saito sighs, these last few days have made no sense to him. Assassination attempts, Margrant, raids on Vex. What is Gibril planning? Saito sighs, then leans back and lays in the grass. He shuts his eyes slowly. He opens them quickly again to hear footsteps approaching, he leans up to look and sees Granus, his Lieutenant General. "Lord, are you alright?" Shouts Granus. He walks up then kneels before Saito. "I apologize Sire, for us being late." Granus says. He keeps his head lowered. "No. You made it right on time, if you got here any later, we would all be dead here." Says Saito. "Now get up, raise your head." Granus gets up. "Sire, what of the enemy wounded?" Says Granus. "Tend to them as well." Says Saito as he gets up, then starts walking towards a nearby forest. "Sir, where do you go?" Ask Granus. "To take a nap." Replies Saito.

Saito leans back against a tree, he slowly slides down it, closing his eyes, he falls into slumber. In it, he is with Lord Heroment. He is a Lieutenant in Heroment's army, he is accompanying him to a boarder outpost. Its the time of year where the Templar Order and Hexen Empire do a Joint Military Training session. Heroment and Saito arrive to the outpost, Templar and Vexen troops are mixed together in formations already. "Ah, you've arrived." Says Haruna. "I'll be the General in charge of the Vexen forces today, lets work well together." finishes Haruna. "I'm Lord Heroment, and this is my Lieutenant, Saito." Says Heroment. "A pleasure to meet you both. "Say, isn't he too young to be a Lieutenant?" Ask Haruna. Saito frowns. "He is very capable, trust me. I'd bet my castle that he is stronger then your Lieutenant." says Heroment, smiling. "Alright, shall we make a bet then? Loser buys dinner tonight for the whole encampment here." Says Haruna. "Deal." Says Heroment. "But Lo-" Says Saito, but he is cut off as Heroment raises his hand. "I have complete trust in you." Says Heroment.

Saito slowly opens his eyes to hear footsteps approaching, he quickly puts his hand on the hilt of his sword, and prepares to draw it. "Lord? Where are you?" Shouts a man. The voice is familiar it kinda sounds like...."Jin!" Says Saito. He takes his hand off his sword, then slowly gets up, he feels liquid on his back. He turns to see blood on trunk of the tree. "Ow ow...whoops." Says Saito. The man approaches, he has Templar armor on. On his shoulder is the insignia of Captain rank. "Saito!" Says the Man. "Is it you, Jin?" Ask Saito. "Aye it is, what are you doing out here sire? You should go see Yuki, ya look pretty bad." "I'll be fine, just a few scrapes and bruises. Did ya need something?" "Yes sir, I have some really bad news." "What is it?" "Well...You ain't gonna like this but, Lord Heroment has defected to Gibril."

End of Chapter 6



I apologize for the long wait.
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