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Nijafiga

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Nijafiga
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PostedDec 08, 2010 1:56 pm   Last edited by Nijafiga on Dec 11, 2010 1:24 pm. Edited 11 times in total

The Controllable And The Uncontrollable's

Chapter 1: The Beginning
Captain Daves Report: The year is 2550, humans have trained a elite force called Wolf Team we trained them gave them options in life we trusted them, but we were wrong. in 2555 war broke out the uncontrollable Wolves started a ruin of tunnels in our world. No human could be safe from the Wolves distruction the earth started to form. In 2560 earth was evacuated, controllable Teams that decided to stay were given rechargeble shields and weapons, most that stayed ment to win earth back. The Wolves destroyed all the countries, all that was left in U.S was N.J. After an event later know as the omega's rising, 25 years of fighting the world was erupted. These are difficult times, earth is at the edge of being destroyed, they will not stop tilled we are at extinction. But nothing will stand between us and them.

"Vox system reports."

"Suit are at 90% shields all systems normal."

"Turn on turrets, bring weapons online."

"Expecting trouble captain?"

"Us may be ours but i don't think the Uw's are gonna stand it"

"Sir radio Massage coming in"

"Wolfs are attacking the civilian city, were still evacuating people we need hel-"

When i look at the screen i saw blood every were nothing was alive they were coming into
New Jersey the all of a sudden a foot stomped on the camera.
"Get the turrets online bring the teams out"

"MOVE IT MOVE IT GO GO GO" said the pack leader.

Guns begin to fire, shells were blasting out of them, turrets in the left and right hand corner were firing with everything they've got the battle was getting out of control.

"Call in the tanks!" yelled Captain Daves

The tanks began to come out of the command tower the fired with there 150MM's, and the wolves began to evacuate but the 5 guards stayed and continued to attack. One of the tanks were destroyed by a Super Guardian the other was being overtaken by a spec opp's guardian. I fired my 10 rockets at the guards they were killed but many lives were lost.

"Vox we need to update our list of wolves now..."

We had only 10 kind of wolves
Guardian Wolf
Bezerker Wolf
Power Wolf
Reaper Wolf
Shadow Wolf
Screamer Wolf
Smart Wolf
Ice Wolf
Psycho Wolf
Ghost Wolf

Seems that new wolfs were coming one new one was the Super Guardian a very least common wolf and the Spec Opp's guardian, look like the wolves have a new ranger the Spirit Wolf.

The only most secured Fortress inside the world was NJ a huge 300 feet wall was around the entire state, 600 feet turrets were mounted all around NJ. Pod luncher were every were and the civilian city was the most guarded place in the entire state i just hope we can hold off much longer but we are not leaving earth.

"Captain i've got something that might interest you."

Captain Dave sighs "What is it Vox."

"Well theres this weird bone inside the super wolves like there clocked by a super shield."

"So what does it mean?"

"I was afraid you'd say that, it means that are guns will do very little affect against Super Guardians.

"What do you purpose Vox"

"We need to get to the Pentagon and get the latest turret and weapon blue prints, its a 10 day journey"

"Very well we must get those prints have Spec Opp's team ready"

"Yes captain ill send our best"

The best in all the state were
Allissa Davinsin: (Battle Veteran) She's the most skilled in everything.
Alesha Sanshoes: (Sergeant)
Emile Ahmeds: (First Lt)
Mycin Dusks: (Wolf Chief) Mean he wolfs a lot.
Julian Rodrigeuz: (Weapon Enforcer) Means she uses weapons a lot.

Chapter 2: ( Coming soon please comment thanks )
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DynastySoldier

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PostedDec 08, 2010 3:15 pm
lol. Vox?! NJ was the only surviving country?! NJ is a country?!

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Nijafiga

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PostedDec 08, 2010 3:17 pm
DynastySoldier wrote:
lol. Vox?! NJ was the only surviving country?! NJ is a country?!  

Vox is the only girl name i could think of a ai one that is >.< didn't wanna steal halo's ai's and i said it's the only surviving state inside the Us sigh

DynastySoldier

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PostedDec 08, 2010 3:31 pm
Nijafiga wrote:
DynastySoldier wrote:
lol. Vox?! NJ was the only surviving country?! NJ is a country?!  

Vox is the only girl name i could think of a ai one that is >.< didn't wanna steal halo's ai's  

Hear that djashes. Vox is a girl.

Oh ya, grammar error but I don't think you'd care.

The Wolves destroyed all the countries all that was left was NJ, the war was deadly nothing was gonna stop the wolves from getting what they want.

Period after countries and maybe deadly.

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happyface104

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PostedDec 08, 2010 4:09 pm
U.S had countries?

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GuitarMaster501

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PostedDec 09, 2010 1:24 am
You should probably work on grammar, spelling, capitalization, and try to be more clear with explanations. I like what you have going, you're going by a good form (Explanation,Situation,Text). You describe fairly well, but sentences are merged in some spots.

This might sound like a tough review, but it's probably less assailing than what Rez would say.

made by SnowyDew :3

djashes

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PostedDec 09, 2010 4:03 am
. . . Vox means voice. It doesn't even look like a girl name. WTF!

Also, allow for breaks in paragraphs, so far I haven't been able to visualize the scene. That's bad. Describe things. Give it a better back-story. And an AI wouldn't say,
 
this weird bone  
An AI would say,
 
"Well, there's is bone inside the super wolves. It seems like it cloaks them in a super shield."  
Or something along those lines.

You can improve. :3
But its alright so far.

GuitarMaster501

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PostedDec 09, 2010 12:45 pm
I just realzedf, youre using the adj. super a lil too much too.

Don't feel bad about all the CnC I got a lot on my story too

made by SnowyDew :3
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