Here a few of my if you don't mind >.<
A man is about to get convicted to multiple lifetime in jail. The judge wants to ask him a couple of questions before he leaves.
Judge: -For cry not loud, how did you manage to run over 52 people with your car?
Prosecuted: -Well, I was driving a car, and I noticed that my brakes didn't work.
Prosecuted: -I saw a bus station. There was like, 50 people over there. And on the other side of the street, I saw 2 people. SO, I was thinking - better to kill 2 instead of 50.
Judge: -Good call. And?
Prosecuted: -Well, you see, your honor, I ran over one of them, but the other one escaped among those 50....
A teacher(female of course >.<) asks kids to write one word for homework, and than explain it. Marc raises up his hand, and the teacher asks him which word did he choose.
-PERVERSION, proudly says Marc.
-OK, Marc - said teacher a bit scared - explain that word WITHOUT using any prominent words, as you usually do.
-No problem, teach. OK now, teach, imagine two girls going down the street, eating ice cream. One of them is licking it while the other one is biting off. Which one of them is married ?
-Well... -the teacher blushes, starts sweating a bit, and says - The one that's biting off it.
-No - says Marc - married one is the one that has a wedding ring, and what you just thought - THAT'S PERVERSION.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants ***, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was Happy, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!
Once, there was a boy who loved to read. He read everything he could get his hands on, and loved going to his favorite book store. One day, the boy realized he had read everything the store had to offer. He confronted the owner, and asked him if he had anything the boy had never checked out. The owner said why, yes, I do, and pulled out a book called “Death”. He gladly sold it to the boy at a discounted price of $50. However, he warned the boy, never to read the front page.
Well, the boy returned to his house and read the book, and he was content. However, he always wondered, what could be on that front page, it was always in the back of his mind. One day, the temptation was too much for the boy, and he flipped to the very front of the book, and dropped the book in HORROR.
There, in bold print, was MSRP $6.99
So,how tha randoms jokes went liked them o_O