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PG.13

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PostedDec 18, 2009 9:42 am

Diary of Molly; Delphic Oracle

FanFiction (:
Diary of Molly
Delphic Oracle



Prologue


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Not my first time writing Fan fiction, but it's my first time writing it in this kind of sense...So any constructive criticism is very much welcome. :D
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“...And with those Alliance gaining more strength everyday...Gee. Honestly, I don’t know what people are thinking these days. Wanting to get themselves killed perhaps? I think they should leave it alone and let the high ranks deal with it. Especially when...blah blah blah...blah blah”

And again, Mrs. Juhan’s words turned into irrelevant blabber, her voice turning into a faint squabble in the back of my mind. Did she have to lean over the fence every single morning to rant to me about the most unimportant things? Especially now, while I was busy hanging up the wet clothes. Wait. Did she say something about the recent epic battle in D-Water borderlands? I started to make her voice a clearer, understandable sound as I listened in. For once.

“blah blah blah, blah blah...Even my own son has gone into battle there now! Unbelievable, they are! He is! All of them! How can they take all our men and expect us women to do everything?” The emotional, ranting, somewhat elderly woman flailed her arms around in the air.

“Well, they aren’t only taking men. I hear-“

“Oh, don’t be silly, Molly! They would never take a woman out there on the battlefield! Don’t trust any of that stupid nonsense other people say about us girls being at war. It’s all lies. All of it.” Her dark eyes stared at me for a few seconds, as if she was making sure her message sunk in. It was really odd, actually. Odd that Mrs. Juhan would decide to talk about this particular subject when I was going to talk to my grandmother about something very, very similar. A sharp twist in my chest caused me to inhale a deep breath as I thought of leaving her. No. I couldn’t let it get to me. This was something I wanted to do. Had to do. So I pushed my sadness away into a dark corner where I could deal with it later.

I’d let Mrs. Juhan rant on about various subjects for a couple more minutes while I clamped numerous cloths, sheets and clothing onto the long multiple wires above me. One...Two...Three...Four... I counted how many more things I had left to hang up and estimated how much longer I’d have to pretend to listen to my neighbour.

And as if by some cruel twist of fate, my grandmother came back from berry gathering just after I’d hung the last piece. Great. Giving me...No time to think about how I was going to say it. She was old, what if she couldn’t handle it? What if it gave her a heart attack or something? I was starting to scare myself, but before I could doubt too much she called for me.

“Molly? Look what I found!” I heard her rush through the house to meet me in the back yard, her hand extended out towards me. Something shiny was in her hand...Not surprisingly; it was the first thing that caught my eye. “Spectacular, Isn’t it?” A silver stone glistened magnificently in the sunlight. It was in the shape of a tear, almost as if something made of stone had cried and the tear had set perfectly. “I’m going to make it into a necklace.”

I marvelled at it a little longer before she wrapped her fingers over it, closing it into her palm. I blinked a couple of times to regain my concentration, and then my gaze drifted up to her warm golden eyes staring at me with her wide spread smile. I loved to see her happy like this, like she always was. What was I saying about her having a heart attack? Hah. Yeah right. Sometimes I forget how energetic and healthy this old girl is. Soon her expression changed. “Aren’t you going to come inside now? I’ll get lunch ready after I get this necklace done.”

“Naw, it’s okay Grandma. I’ll make lunch.” I insisted whilst I stepped back into the house and closed the door behind me.

* * *

Yawn...

Hm, I was tired. I only just realised as my head began to sag onto the arm of the soft chair. I’d gone on another midnight stroll to clear my head last night. With all the things going through my mind, I hadn’t had a moments sleep in the past few days. I’m sure Grandma wasn’t oblivious to my little getaways either...

I watched her intently whilst she concentrated on the small tear stone and the thin brown string. She continued to repeat the same pattern of steps, securing the string over and over again. She looped over, and under, and over again...loop...loop...loop...

Knock! Knock! Knock!


...Eh...?

Knock knock!

“Hold your horses I’m coming I’m coming!”

Was that Grandmas voice? Who was so impossible impatient to knock on our door that irritatingly hard? Though...I still couldn’t bring myself to pull my body up off the couch. But then something made me jump up in a split second.

“Good morning, ma’am. My name is Kurnile Hangurd. Are you Mrs. Marzipan? I’m here to see your granddaughter.” A burly voice spoke from the doorway. It was so bold I could hear it from the living room. Turned out they weren’t being impatient, that’s probably how they normally knocked. Not knowing how strong they were, how hard they were hitting...Eugh...

“My granddaughter? Why? Hold on I’ll get her. Molly? Someone’s-“

“I’m coming.” I was beside my Grandma in a shot. In that moment, I registered three faces. First, I saw the hard, straight face of the tall beefy guy in front of me. I assumed he was Nordein. Or possibly a Vail on nostrum or something. Then, I looked to my side and saw a confused but worried expression on an aged, lined face. And then I saw my expression. Well, I didn’t exactly see it, but I knew well enough what it looked like. Guilt. Everywhere, everything. I felt guilty. I’d put off telling Grandma for too long and now it was too late. I felt horrible for having to let her find out like this.

And I knew, that this was the moment that would change my life. Forever.

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Don't know if I'll put up another chapter yet. If it goes well I will (:
And sorry if It's boring lol. Kinda wanted to get all this basic stuff outta the way, It'll make more sense in the coming chapters.

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CheesePot

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PostedDec 18, 2009 10:11 am
Cool, confusing a bit for a moment, but keep going!

Pandaemoniumx

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PostedDec 22, 2009 10:34 pm   Last edited by Pandaemoniumx on Dec 23, 2009 10:08 am. Edited 1 time in total
Enjoyed reading, the most intriguing thing being that you're writing a diary. You should be careful when writing this type of story if it's through a diary or journal, because quotes from people are rarely seen, but rather quoted phrases. Regardless, one thing I'd like to point out grammatically is the use of the word... blah.

"[...]Especially when...blah blah blah...blah blah”

Can also be:

"[...]Especially when-"

It makes reading it more pleasing, but I must applaud of the use of "blah" and putting some hilarity to it.

I like the Character of Ms. Juhan by the way; she is like a woman in the 1930's during the world wars complaining about such things, as well as Molly herself as a reaction to this woman. By far the best description of any character up to this point has been, "I assumed he was Nordein. Or possibly a Vail on nostrum or something", which was probably the biggest fun point while reading this. That may not seem to be much to you, but I read it a few times and still didn't stop laughing.

Not a lot of visual images coming to me other than what I imagine the characters to look like and a line of wet clothes hanging our to dry next to a fence. It's a diary, so you'd want to slowly build up to the atmosphere and environment of everything.

Subtle ending, and I hope that your story continues, as not many do. The last one that ended in this section of the forums had me at the end of my seat every update. Hope to see you again soon, and as for my usual form of rating.

7/10 for an Introduction
8/10 for Grammar/Punctuation
x/10 for the "Big Idea" of it all. (storyline, which I can never seem to predict with Prologues)


Panda

mutant.squirrel

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PostedDec 23, 2009 6:20 am
This is really interesting!! Please, keep it up ^^

CrazyDog1084

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PostedFeb 09, 2010 1:09 pm

yes

Great
It was very intriguing. please continue!

SimpleFool - LvL 3x NM sin - Etain -
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