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Rank 0
25 Feb 2011
Hong Kong China
PostedApr 03, 2013 10:24 am

Eden Eternal: Black.


I’m sure you heard of the blue crystals in Limestone Mountain, which they bore the Eternal Guardians, ones that will store peace to Eden. You might also hear of red crystals in Arid Wilds. They made the creatures they insane and hostile, and also gave birth to Olsin, the Bane Prince. But have you ever, just by chance, heard about the black crystal? I guess not, since they were kept a secret. What blessings or dangers will it bring? Unfortunately, no one knows…… It’s up to you to find out.


“How could you just stand aside and watch me die, you traitor?!” Olsin, the Bane Prince lied on the ground, defeated and severely injured. “We made a deal!” He outstretched his hand, trying to grip on the so called ‘traitor’s’ ankle but failed. “You’re going to pay for this you woman!”

“Who cares about the deal when you’re obviously been defeated.” She walked away, ready to exit Dianack, “You’re no use to me anymore.” She thought about sparing him since he couldn’t move and lost his powers but the he said,

“One day….one day someone will find out…” He laughed, “that you’re not an Eternal Guardian…..You’re from the black crystal, crystals that bore demons-“

She stopped in her tracks and turn around, facing him. Her icy gaze pierced through him. “Brother, take care of him.”

“Understood, my dear sister.” A person came out from the shadows, with a sharp blade in his hands, ready to kill.

“You just crossed the line, Olsin.”

“You demons from the Netherworld….From that portal in Devastation Realm….. One day karma is going to bite back-“

A slash across his throat silenced him forever. His blood splatted on the ground. Her brother turned to her, taking a handkerchief out, wiping Olsin’s blood off his clothes. He saw her confused, but then her eyes widen, seemingly to understand something.

“What is it, sister?”

“We’re going to Devastation Realm.”

I know it's info lacking but it will be all explain in the next chapters. And there will be lots of stuff that iI added or made up so don't be mean. :\
I don't own anything Razz Just the plot.


Rank 3
08 Jul 2010
Cuddling kittens in the United States
PostedApr 03, 2013 11:11 am
Ooooh, a very interesting beginning indeed, with a nice hook! I'd love to see more. ^_^


Rank 3
27 Jan 2012
PostedApr 03, 2013 1:06 pm
A lot of grammatical and spelling errors, unclear plot from the beginning but that can be fixed and isn't really bad, and the 'introduction' is kind of misleading. I thought Olsin was going to turn out to be a great villain of the story but then he was just murdered cold-blooded by the 'woman's brother.'

I'm interested in the rest but this whole 'black crystal' thing just seems out of place. Couldn't you just say that there were.. special demons born out of the same crystal Olsin came from ?
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