You seem to have good concepts and ideas for the story, but I think you have a LOT of work to do.
From what I've read, you're a burst typer. You sit down at the computer for 30 minutes, let your fingers fly, and immediately pump out a 20 lined "story" without bothering to proof-read it.
Hoestly, that makes your stories seem much less appealing, as if they were written by a 12 year old, and very unprofessional.
Some suggestions I've got would be to:
1. Proofread. (Check for "tense" errors, and that you're using the proper words)
2. Plan. ( Have ideas.)
3. Time. (Give yourself more time. Writing should be the best you have to offer when you're looking for critiques.)
4. SLOW DOWN. (Like I said before, it seems like every "Chapter" you do is something my 8 year old brother would read out of one of his action books. Definetely not something that your average highschooler would consider worth the read.)
I see promise as far as ideas and storylines go, but I think you're not taking writing seriously or carefully as you should...