20 guys with a sniper? pff that's nothing.
In WW2 there was this captain and he had to cover his squad.
he was out of bullets so he used his pistol.
hidden in a tree the Japanese didn't know hat hit em.

later his squad came back to find his dead body in the tree.
there was also 7 dead Japanese with bullet holes in the head.
This was real as well

Eeyup its comin along though  

You seem to have good concepts and ideas for the story, but I think you have a LOT of work to do.

From what I've read, you're a burst typer. You sit down at the computer for 30 minutes, let your fingers fly, and immediately pump out a 20 lined "story" without bothering to proof-read it.

Hoestly, that makes your stories seem much less appealing, as if they were written by a 12 year old, and very unprofessional.

Some suggestions I've got would be to:

1. Proofread. (Check for "tense" errors, and that you're using the proper words)
2. Plan. ( Have ideas.)
3. Time. (Give yourself more time. Writing should be the best you have to offer when you're looking for critiques.)
4. SLOW DOWN. (Like I said before, it seems like every "Chapter" you do is something my 8 year old brother would read out of one of his action books. Definetely not something that your average highschooler would consider worth the read.)

I see promise as far as ideas and storylines go, but I think you're not taking writing seriously or carefully as you should...  

germanproz wrote:

You seem to have good concepts and ideas for the story, but I think you have a LOT of work to do. From what I've read, you're a burst typer. You sit down at the computer for 30 minutes, let your fingers fly, and immediately pump out a 20 lined "story" without bothering to proof-read it. Hoestly, that makes your stories seem much less appealing, as if they were written by a 12 year old, and very unprofessional. Some suggestions I've got would be to: 1. Proofread. (Check for "tense" errors, and that you're using the proper words) 2. Plan. ( Have ideas.) 3. Time. (Give yourself more time. Writing should be the best you have to offer when you're looking for critiques.) 4. SLOW DOWN. (Like I said before, it seems like every "Chapter" you do is something my 8 year old brother would read out of one of his action books. Definetely not something that your average highschooler would consider worth the read.) I see promise as far as ideas and storylines go, but I think you're not taking writing seriously or carefully as you should...

yea it was burst but i did this as preview. im a little hurt D: but i did ask for improvements. maybe it should be a full story instead of improv. i can start it off with me and red separated by combat and continue on from there. then red can do his side of story and i do mine? idk ill have to consult with red.  

Alt_Reaper321 wrote:

germanproz wrote: You seem to have good concepts and ideas for the story, but I think you have a LOT of work to do. From what I've read, you're a burst typer. You sit down at the computer for 30 minutes, let your fingers fly, and immediately pump out a 20 lined "story" without bothering to proof-read it. Hoestly, that makes your stories seem much less appealing, as if they were written by a 12 year old, and very unprofessional. Some suggestions I've got would be to: 1. Proofread. (Check for "tense" errors, and that you're using the proper words) 2. Plan. ( Have ideas.) 3. Time. (Give yourself more time. Writing should be the best you have to offer when you're looking for critiques.) 4. SLOW DOWN. (Like I said before, it seems like every "Chapter" you do is something my 8 year old brother would read out of one of his action books. Definetely not something that your average highschooler would consider worth the read.) I see promise as far as ideas and storylines go, but I think you're not taking writing seriously or carefully as you should...   yea it was burst but i did this as preview. im a little hurt D: but i did ask for improvements. maybe it should be a full story instead of improv. i can start it off with me and red separated by combat and continue on from there. then red can do his side of story and i do mine? idk ill have to consult with red.

Critics hurt most of the times, they don't mean to be directed to a person, but directed to what that person is doing, I enjoyed reading germanproz's critic, you should improve like he said, make a plan for everything you'll write and after making the plan, you improve your text with more suitable words depending on who's going to read it.