holy mother of jesus christ the lord mary god
I haven't been on here in like a year and that's absolutely insane.
I read through my old blogs and like **** I was probably one of the most annoying people in the universe. but hey whatre you gonna do
so lately ive just been sitting in my room smoking and reading in between school and friends and personal bull**** ahjdkf but other than that my life has had a pretty unfortunate turn of events but I'll just try to say the most important things.
Not really here for the games anymore. Just need a place to let off some steam.
I was looking through all of this old Aeria stuff, (my old blogs, friends pages) and I was just pondering why I was such an idiot back then. Why I took everything so seriously, when in reality, it was just a computer game. It was all just a virtual reality I made because I was just a sad little girl who didn't get enough attention. Please ignore my putting myself down, for I really just don't give a **** what anyone has to say about it, anyway. K.
It's 4 in the morning, and I was just falling asleep. Tyler decides that he doesn't like sleeping in his bed. So he comes and gets in mine and cuddles me, while it's about 80 degrees in my room and I'm wearing long black pajama pants, sweating my ass off. I couldn't take them off, and by the time I wanted to tell him to get out, he was already asleep. I managed to get out of his cuddle death grip and get on the computer because there's nothing better to do at 4am. And I refuse to sleep. xD OKAI. SO TALK TO ME?
Truth be told, I really miss Aeria.
I miss GF.
I miss it all.
And none of it will happen again.
I'm getting back in touch with a lot of the guildies that were in IllusionFate. I think it's nice.. being remembered. xD
Maybe it's unhealthy to miss something so much. But I remember everything so well. And I wish I could enjoy it all as much as I used to. I'm still the antisocial hermit with a sheltered, withdrawn, outcast lifestyle... BUT WITH FRIENDS. WEEEE~
This site brings back so many memories I miss. Zen.. I miss you so much. We need to catch up. David, I've missed you so bad, I'll never forget the times we shared. I talk to Ally, Sammy and Brenna still... Panda... I miss you.... I hope I helped with Anamine~ I miss you guys so much. I wish we could go back in time... fix mistakes and change fate. Change what happened. I was a stupid kid then, I remember meeting everyone. I remember feeling welcome. I remember a lot and I wish we could have it again. When me, David, Brenna and Zen were like a team. I miss it. I'm still level 30. Haha.
Hai. Dx I'm sorry i've been gone... not like any of you missed me anyways. >.>
Daren and Cody... the things they do on my couch. Can you believe they're still together!? XD
ASHLEY... YOU B*TCH NEVER TEXTED ME BACK.
Drake, I love you. Broskiez foreverss
TYLER... I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!!
Xavier... text me back you lazy emo f*ck. I love you lololol
Chris we better still be on for the mall tomorrow after school!!
Siera... let me borrow your Hello Kitty earrings pleasseeee mine are lost. Dx
And today marks 3 whole days of Tyler being in San Diego.
He's visiting his family friend because they just had a baby Awwww
Good timing when he left too, because yesterday I was just sitting around at about..4pm, and I got the stomach flu. Lovely. Im better now though haha. FINALLY. On the other hand, I got to lay in bed all day and draw, write songs, and just chill. Well deserved break I might add lol
See those lil dotted lines up there? Ya you wish you had some....ow my tummy still hurts >.>
Nice seeing you again.
Cause for my absence?
Ahh...in due time ;D
I think ima start dying my hair crazy colors(: OMFG AND AWESOME NEWWWZ!!! Later on...Wednesday? I think? Anyways sometime this week me and Siera are gonna go get some peircings!! She's getting Angel Bites and im gettin a lip ring :3 Yesssssss.
Anyways MIGHT dye my hair pink...or blue..so yeah :D if any of you are interested in doing this I recommend Punky Colour and Manic Panic...
Oh the pain.
Awakened into a world of fire.
Blood runs through the streets.
You can hear the innocent screaming.
But there is no one.
It's in your mind.
You cannot stop the transformation.
Pretty little demon.
Take over me.
Tyler is moving in now. And I don't really want to go into detail...but let just say his father got a little..."tipsy"...and...um...well...it wasnt pretty. Today I helped him get his stuff packed. But he was still a little..sore..anyway I has helping him clear out his room(...teehee..I found hentai under his bed...pervy scene boy..)On the bright side, I wasnt that depressed today..but I wasnt exactly Ms.Sunshine either >.>
I dont have very much more to say e.e
Im not doing so well anymore.
Life's great right now and all..Tyler might permanently move in..schools ok..Im gettin good grades..and its all good..right?
Not really :/
For a moment I was happy..and it was great.
But now im back to my old self..the quiet emo girl you guys knew on GF..
I changed for the most part..but that change has withered.
Im shattered inside again.
Theres no hope for me anymore.
The blade can cut as deep as it can..but the blood only reminds me what a monster I am.
I try to stop..
The deeper I cut..the deeper I hurt..
I cant escape myself..
- - - - - -
I found him lying there, bleeding, gun still in hand.
The way he used to speak to me.
I felt safe.
That feeling is the feeling I still wish I could feel.
I miss the way he laughed.
Even the tears that used to roll down his cheeks..
All I ever wanted was a friend.
And he as always there.
I was 11.
He had just turned 15.
It was his birthday..
He loved me.
And I loved him.
Forever I thought we'd be.
But on this day.
The gun went off.
If I had known..this would have never happened..
His memory still stays in the back of my mind.
Been watching InuYasha throughout the night..very cute x3
I watched The Final Act, ITS SO CUTE!! THEY FINALLY KISS!! XD..and get married :3
(I MUST HAVE THE MANGA...)
Hahaha...I know what a cero isss...XD
Watched the whole series of Elfen Lied again..wooow XD
Watched a lil Death Note and Bleach..then like 5 minutes of Higurashi..then I got bored so I took a nap x.x
THEN I WOKE UP AND WATCHED CLANNAD..
I must admit, I cried...alot XD
Me, Xavier, Drake, Tyler and Ash went to the Halloween boutiqe today and we brought our skateboards...XD But Tyler couldnt cuz his leg is broken >.> HE STILL HAD FUN THO! :D lol
We didnt get kicked out but some creepy old dude yelled at us cuz Drake tipped over a rack of costumes LMFAO!!
Ash was bein retarded and trying to show off for X, skatin and shakin her hips...booo, whore >.>....LOL
X didnt care anyway, he was to busy helpin me pick out a costume...haha in yo face Ashley xP
Woooow I was hyper today..
So Tyler is staying over at my house, I dont really know how long, but its nice having him here XD
The reason he's staying here..well..I dont really want to explain everything in this blog..sooo if ya wanna know talk to me lol
Its actually pretty serious..
So..I wouldnt mention it in this blog anyway x.x...ugh life is so complicated.
Tyler has been here for about.. a good 18 hours now and has already managed to break a vase, a mirror, and tip over my desk making everything fall off x.x Theres a mess for ya XD
OH MY GAWD I AM SO ****ING HYPER!!! O_o
...I want a soda...
AND A LOLIPOP, AND CHOCOLATE, AND SOME ICE CREAM, AND JUST PLAIN WHITE SUGAR O.O
Oki I reeeaally need to stop with the sugar LMFAO XD
I've been drawing lately.
I havent really picked up a pencil and started drawing for a while, and today I was bored so I figured, why the hell not?
I miss you all like CRAZAYYY XD
...And I am extremely happy for no reason :3
Oki so..yeah I can only get on Aeria on the weekends and mayyybe sometimes on week days cuz...well I have tons of homework xP So i'll try to be on Saturday but theres no garantee XD And alsooo im using my mothers laptop cuz my computer is JUNK LOL Yeah, it had a virus on it and it just...crashed..): It was not a happy time..xP
Sooo yeah no GF or any other game I downloaded on there for a while..just until I get it fixed and who the hell knows when thats gonna be x.x
I started school -3-
Soo hard to get used to xD
Oh well, I gotz mah friends there with me XD Except for X T^T He goez to a different school..
Anyways, I wont be on aeria/S4/GF as much because of school ~.~
The end, Bai~
OH MY GOD...I AM SO ****ING PISSED RIGHT NOW.
Got a call from Drake, and apparently Ashley broke up with him because she saw me hanging out with him the other day, we were at the mall and he offered me a sip of his soda so ofc I drank some lol. Then Ash comes and slaps me, (of course I gave that **** a beating later lol) and starts yellin at Drake. >.> She thinks im stealin him from her. Well breakin up with him aint helpin Ash!
She's so STUPID!
My reoccuring dream got a little..."scary" o.e
Im taking a break from aeria for a while..I need to clear my head, I cant think. Haha...right when things started going well for me all of this **** happened...*sigh* and im not talking about all of the drama on aeria either....haha...oooooh my god...
and my friend Chris hates me for something I didnt even do >.> Wow..gotta love your friends...
I talked to Jess today...need I say more? *sigh*
Ok, soooo yeah I havent been on GF or any aeria games for a while...its because I cant frickin download them on this computer -.-" Also my father said I wasnt allowed to >.> Tch, imma do it anyway XD When I figure out a way to do it i'll be on GF 24/7 LOL oh and Lime Odessy when it comes out :3 Mmmh...so yeah thats it I guess...THE END BAI!
Soooo...today I guess im going to my grandparents house..just gon hang with mah cousin and maybe go swimming. (They have a pool XD YAY) I wanna jump off the roof into the pool...YESH >:D lol and climb this really tall tree that they have in their yard and wait to scare somebody when they walk by it XD
Went with my aunt to Xpert Cuts..wow gay name >.> anyways went there and got mah hair done, its cute :P Lots of layerz, choppy side bangs, hellz yes, looks cool. Neh..but my hair grew out and all the black dye is gone so now its brown..ew. Oh well imma just keep it brown and dye the tips red XD
I went to bed at about 3am..then woke up at 10am (I slept in for once?) XD My cousin slept over..and when at the pool he thought it was funny to pick me up and throw me in the water. Well it wasnt so I sprayed him in the face with a water gun muahaha. But I guess that wasnt such a good idea because I ended up getting body-slammed on the ground and sprayed in the face -_- My back still hurts.
What is so important about it?
Why is it necessary?
How do all of those NORMAL people survive it?
Is it just me or is life really this cruel?
Is there something wrong with me?
All of these questions I ask myself probably wont ever be answered.
Maybe I wont be alive to answer them.
Maybe life would be better off without me.
Maybe nobody even wants me here.
They keep their distance..even if I try to get close.
Getting called names and being pushed around like some doll.
I am all alone in this world.
I have to end this.
But I have made a comitment.
And I keep my word.
Well today was alright, but im hella tired cuz I went to bed at about 3am and woke up at 8am XD Drank tons of soda, played all of Portal in 3 hours -personal record- listened to ETF for about 4 hours and was basically bouncing of the walls LOL.I ate lost of CANDEHHH!!! Teehee. I need to take a nap LOL
I sit and daydream all day long about what it would be like to feel loved..to feel happy, to be free. But I always have to wake up to a cruel reality, where theres fighting, murder, hatred, pain, sorrow. My nightmare. This torture..this slow death, it hurts. In my dreams there is no pain..no sadness. When I fall asleep my daydreams become more real. When im sleeping I dream of being in a secret garden in the rain, with all of my favorite flowers surrounding me. Then this boy appears, his hair a rich dark brown and his eyes a beautiful light green.