I miss you so much.. I miss your hugs, your kisses, your smile, your laugh, how you held me close to you, and just everything about you.. But now you're gone. You're no longer mine. You've just slipped right through my fingers. I hate it how I can't hug you anymore. I felt safe when I was with you. Now, I'm always cautious. x.x You helped me through so much, and I'm grateful. You were there for me when even my own dad wasn't. But now, you're gone. We've split, and I hate it.. I loved you and still do.
I try my hardest to be there for you. You have no idea about that, though, because you won't listen. Everyday, my life sucks, just as much as yours, but do you see me pushing away my best friends and getting pissed at everyone about everything?
I'm so freaking excited.. I've been all smiles lately and it's driving me crazy. xD My boyfriend who lives in california is coming to florida for my homecoming. :3 I can't wait to be with him after such a long time. I miss being able to hug and kiss him everyday.. Everyday, I can't help but feel that we're meant for eachother. x3 When ever we get in a fight, we always work through it. We're more then just boyfriend and girlfriend. We're best friends. We tell eachother everything. :3 I love him so much. I've given him my heart and so much more.
I can't help but notice, that I am seriously at war with myself. I can't make up my mind anymore, and I'm being majorly bipolar. xD I kill myself by worrying about people and things that have happened. My brain won't ****ing turn off. Life sometimes is a hell hole, yes, but we need to keep moving forward and stare that hell right in the bloody eyes (I sounded British there *-*) and say "**** off ****. This is my life, not yours." ;3 Fyi, you're not alone. ^^
If you've read my past blogs... You can probably tell that I am just a bit bipolar... xP Now, I've decided that I'm not going to give up. ^^ (Sorry if I'm confusing you.. with my.. mood swings..) Thanks to a few special people, I've realized it'd just be stupid of me if I did give up. xD I have been blessed with an amazing life, and I haven't even been living it to it's fullest. >:| I realize that.. I'm not perfect, but I sure do act like a ****ing retarded **** at times. xP Forgiving me probably isn't #1 on your list, but oh well.
You are the love of my life. I couldn't ask for anyone more special to be with. Whenever you smile, I can't help but smile back. ^^ Everytime I see you, butterflies always seem to fill my tummy. I hope you can now see how I never want you to leave. When we're apart, I feel like the other half of me is somewhere far away. I love you with all my heart and I hope you know that. You're my own personal heaven on earth. ;3
Lol so.. I'm just.. Going to just kind of live. ._. I'm done trying so hard, because it's obviously not getting me anywhere. So, basically, I don't give a **** anymore. xD Say whatever you want to me, I won't care. I believed I could have a good life and ****, but I guess that wasn't enough. xP I don't know yet, but I might quit this ****ing site. Everything I do is just coming back to stab me in the back, so it's almost not worth it anymore. lol... so, yeah. Idgaf. I'm just going to put a ****ing smile on my face and see who cares. I know I don't care anymore.
Well, I'm part Irish. 'nuff said. Therefore, my boyfriend and his friend both dared me to wear these green and white striped tights that I have and my shirt that says "Kiss me, I'm Irish." to the movies..... Why am I doing it? I don't know. x.x Wish me luck ;D
Do me a favor.. Take a step back. ****ing look at yourself. You are human. Nobody's perfect. You are beautiful. SO beautiful. You can be anything if you just believe. Don't hate because someone broke you heart or because your parents split, your best friend betrayed you, your father hit you, the kid down the road called you fat, ugly, stupid, worthless. Don't get worked up about things you can't control. Cry when you need to, then let go when it's time. Don't hang onto painful memories because you're just afraid to forget them.
There are so many dreams and wishes I have, but I'm not sure if they'll ever come true. I want to be yours forever and you forever mine. I want to hug you and never ever let you go. Everyday and night, I die inside because I'm not sure if that will ever actually happen...
Bahahahahaha, guess what? :3 It's my birthday 8D mwahahaha 15 x3 Be jelly, got a new laptop. x3 Though my last present is the best.. I could never ask for anything else like it. OH!! annnnddd.... I GOT A JUSTIN BIEBER TOOTHBRUSH. IT SINGS WHILE I BRUSH MY TEETH!! 8DD omg.... xD I used to strongly dislike him, but now that he is older, I've grown to like him quite well. :3
So.... We all know that I have many.... many blonde moments... Last night, I had vocal ensemble MPA's and we went to this one highschool who's mascot was the Tarpon... and.... lmao... I'm sure you can figure out what I thought their mascot was at first. xD I asked the kid who goes there if that was seriously their mascot... I was like "Is that your mascot?
Bullying is everywhere, sometimes you just can't see it happen. But, when you do see it, hear it, or even do it... Stop it. If you're the one doing the bullying, put yourself in the kid's your bullying shoes. Would you like it if you were the one being bullied and hurt?
Hey, guess what chicas and boys, be yourself! Don't try to be someone your not, because everyone else is taken. You are so amazing. It doesn't matter what you look like or how you act. You're yourself! A beautiful and unique individual. Ignore the idiots who call people "whores, sluts, ****es, hoes, fags, douches, scenefags" and many other names. None of those describe you. (: Whoever calls you those are just freaking jealous. Never wish to be someone else. Take a quick glance in the mirror and see how beautiful/handsome you are
So, first off, I was talking on here with Brenna, when my dad runs in the house telling me to lock the doors and turn all the lights off. Than he tells me to hide under the table, but of course I didn't exactly do so. :P I snuck to my room, opened the window, and looked to see what was goin' on. x3 There were like, legit, about thirty cops outside all surrounded this one house across the street. Me, being nosy, watched. c: They were running all over the place, aiming their guns at the door, and yelling the guys name, telling him to come outside with his hands up.
Yesterday, at school, it was the read-a-thon. ^-^ My friends and I all sat in a big corner hidden away from the teachers, so when we talked, they wouldn't know who were the ones talking. ;D Anywho, we had to read for two hours. During the first hour, it was legit, super quiet, and a kid farts. It scared me so I jumped xD Than everyone began laughing for about five minutes. I kind of felt bad for the kid. :c Than, after that, my tummy rumbles and I was scared people heard my tummy, but only Josh heard it, so we both were laughing. xD Let's just say we didn't get much reading done.
...Ok, don't pay attention to the title. e.e Sooooo, tomorrow I head back to school. Idk why, but I'm reaalllyy nervous. I'm practically shaking. o-o My hands won't stay still, my tummy hurts, and I have a massive headache... My friend Cassidy said I felt really hot, but I'm not sick, so I dunno what's up with me. My body's ****ed up. xD So anywho.. Yeah. Went to the mall yesterday and the guy at hot topic was like "Hi Ally!" I'm just staring at him like 'df?
I'm standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more I can take. I'm so close to saying "**** it" and giving up. Daddy, I'm tired of constantly begging you not to hurt me. I still refuse to believe you can't love me. Sometimes, you say you'll be there for me, but I know it's all a lie. There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough. So, you know what? I give up. I ****ing give up.
~had to vent~ ._.
Okay.... So.... Puppets are now my worst fear... It used to be clowns, but now it's puppets. Puppet Clowns are the worst.... o.o After watching Dead Silence, I will never be able to go around the house alone ever again. omg... I do NOT want my tongue cut out of my mouth. u.u digyafsigysk so gross. blech. PUPPETS ARE EVIL Dx Gah, I will forever be afraid of the dark now. And when everything gets super quiet.... ugh, why do I torture myself by watching these movies? They're always as scary as hell to me. x.x
So..... I was at the mall with my buddies the other day, and an ADORABLE little Japanese kid is waddling around near the fountain crying his eyes out. :( Josh, being a douchebag (hehe) was laughing 'cause the kid was in a cute little penguin suit/jacket. He was ADORABLE OMG x3333 Apparently, he couldn't find his mommy.... So, me being all sweet and stuff, picked him up and started looking for a Japanese woman o3o. hehe. .....Josh found her in Victoria Secrets..... -.- She was like, "Oh, thank you! Where did you find him?
....omfg i feel so fat.... i am NEVER eating at thanksgiving ever again... it makes me feel like a piggy u.u ...lmao... now i need to go to the gym T.T which i hate, 'cause than i get all sweaty... i look like i did before, but i still feel sooo fat.. xDD i guess that's what thanksgiving does to ya.
That funny moment when Liam hides Josh's pants in p.e and makes Josh run around the gym in his boxers looking for his hidden pants ;D
That funny moment when Johnny yells "A bee is in your hair!" In social studies and I scream my lungs out and just duck me head down... when there was never really a bee.... ;D
That funny moment when Josh never finds his pants so he wears his p.e shorts all day ;D (babe, Liam hid your pants in my backpack ;3 )
That funny moment when we laughed so hard in math that we couldn't breath and I cried ;D
So.... Josh, Sam, and I all went to this overnight church thing at Sam's church... The church took us to the mall for 3 hours than we came back to the church... ._. It was very uneventful... But I did get a cool bracelet and headphones from Hot Topic... :P The bus ride back was pure TORTURE. o3o they had the ****ing ac on and it was FREEZING.... I literaly turned into a allypopcicle... Plus, I had to sit by Sam the whole way there and back because they wouldn't let a girl and guy pair up together... And Sam can get slightly annoying...
Life is swallowing me whole... I have no idea where to go. I'm lost. So many people expect me to do so much, but I can't. I still need someone to help me and quide me through the surprises life sends. I can't walk alone. I'd rather walk in the dark with a friend than walk alone in the light by myself.
1. why does it seem like the weight on my shoulders just got a million times heavier?
2. my secret identity is reveald *.*
3. i feel like a **** right now...
4. my tummy hurts......
5. i'm currently having a drawer's block..
6. why am i feeling almost empty inside?
7. i need a Starbucks...
8. why the hell am i making this? xD
9. boredom has taken over.... x.x
10. I AM BEING THE WHITE RABBIT FOR HALLOWEEN 8D
11. i found this cute short dress white rabbit costume at halloween city and it comes with a top hat with attached bunny ears! ^-^
12. my friend libby is being Alice